The "I work with dumb people" thread

[Junk Meister]

Called one fella six and two thirds. He was the cut man in a steel shop, but couldn't read a tape measure, even after months of training, just couldn't get it. One day one of the welders got tired of the miscuts and asked for a piece of tubing that was in the band saw 6-2/3" long. He went right ahead and cut it. He was Six and two thirds after that. Lol

We had a guy named Francis stacking lumber at the mill He was pushing 80 and had been a carpenter in his day but he had his own way of reading a tape measure...
a Big mark a next size big mark ans a wee size little mark. 13/16" and you get the drift.. He was nearly 80 in the early 70's and was self taught....at least he could read a tape but you had to listen careful cuz he always had a chew of redman or beech in his mouth to talk around

 

[crowslayer17]

We we're building a hollow steel arch bridge and a coworker that was stuffing bolts from the inside took a crap in a bucket 2 days in a row in there and it was hot out. A couple days later we were swinging the lift by and saw one of the superintendents and the inspector stick there heads in a bottom access hole, the super pops out and says man it smells like *s-word in here! He had know idea. I'm still lmfao and that was probably 10 years ago. I don't know how those guys worked in there. I bet he left that bucket in there for over a week, I wouldn't let him put it in the lift. I threw it in down in the river and went down and made him fish it out.

 

[usmcbuckwild]

We were working a bridge project and it was cold as hell. It was cold enough the super wouldn’t even come out and check on us. There was 1 porta-john on the jobsite and it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. The poop was literally up through the hole. As you can imagine we were pissed and the foreman kept calling the super’s office and *b-wording about it. So, we kept *s-wordtin in it and used shovels to sculpt a poop man, just like a snowman. Put sticks for arms holding TP and put a hard hat and safety glasses on it. We finally stopped working and refused to do anything. The super finally came out and threw a fit over 12 guys sitting around a burn barrel drinking coffee. The foreman literally dragged the super over to the porta-john and showed him. He tried to chew us out for desecrating the porta-john, the foreman walked right in front of him, gave us his company card and told us all to go take a long lunch. When we got back the super and the porta-john were gone. We heard through the grapevine that the foreman used the Lull forklift to pick up the porta john and put it in the back of the super’s truck with the door broken off and the poop man looking in his back window. Foreman then told him now he had no choice but to take care of it and we weren’t returning to work until we had a new one. Next day there was 2 porta johns on site.

 

[FergusonTO35]

We were working a bridge project and it was cold as hell. It was cold enough the super wouldn’t even come out and check on us. There was 1 porta-john on the jobsite and it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. The poop was literally up through the hole. As you can imagine we were pissed and the foreman kept calling the super’s office and *b-wording about it. So, we kept *s-wordtin in it and used shovels to sculpt a poop man, just like a snowman. Put sticks for arms holding TP and put a hard hat and safety glasses on it. We finally stopped working and refused to do anything. The super finally came out and threw a fit over 12 guys sitting around a burn barrel drinking coffee. The foreman literally dragged the super over to the porta-john and showed him. He tried to chew us out for desecrating the porta-john, the foreman walked right in front of him, gave us his company card and told us all to go take a long lunch. When we got back the super and the porta-john were gone. We heard through the grapevine that the foreman used the Lull forklift to pick up the porta john and put it in the back of the super’s truck with the door broken off and the poop man looking in his back window. Foreman then told him now he had no choice but to take care of it and we weren’t returning to work until we had a new one. Next day there was 2 porta johns on site.

That's pretty awesome, reminds me of this little gem from The Trucker's Report:

I am Sooooo stupid! While in school I got to looking at all of those nice posters with pictures of new rigs promising "Newest eqipment" and showing people studying at computer terminals (computer based training) and thought to myself "This company has got it together" .

1. WHAT A JOKE!!!
   DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!!!
   
   Recriuters are ruthless liers. I have an excellent work history (until now) and NO accidents or tickets and 400,000 old safe driving commercial miles. 36 cents a mile is the only reason I picked
   this P.O.S. company over the other 7 (thats right SEVEN) companys that pre-approved me. Now that I am in this satan based rip-off, the other companys want NOTHING to do with me. I am now apearently tainted with the filth and stench of Werner.
   
   At orientatation the first thing the manager said is this: "I don't know what the recruiters told you men, but you will be making .26 cents a mile
   you WONT get a new truck of your choice, you WONT get to chose your color and your name WONT be on the door like the recruiters told you."
   
   How did HE know?
   
   I looked around the room and took a quick inventory of the other drivers.
   I'm very sorry, but I have never been in the same room with so many one-toothed, greasy haired ,unwashed, stinky, scrape the bottom of the barrell looser- looking men in my whole life. I take it back. The same bunch would fit right in at the homeless mission. I am sorry. it's the truth.
   
   Turns out they ALL had serious issues. They WERE bottom of the barrell.
   
   The 500 pounder with greasy hair who kept picking his nose and rolling bugers in his fingers was fired from Swift for running over a fire hydrant with his trailer. "I was lost. You should see how small those streets are" . He was starting out at .38 cpm apearantly because he had experience in wrecking things. This guy had an endless supply of bugers. I personally counted him roll and flick five of them before I asked to be seated somewhere else in the computer lab. No lie.
   
   The skinny one with greased back hair, Elvis sideburns, pencil thin mustach and an ever present toothpick for his one tooth (you can't make this stuff up) was fired from the bowling alley and banned for life for stealing Earl Anthony's personal bowling ball. He also was glad Werner overlooked a semi-recent drunk driving which of course was a set-up because he was doing the police chief's daughter.
   
   The psyco Iraq war vet (sans front teeth) who "saw alot of dead bodys and body parts" I avoided. After telling 3 lame lies in a row, all of which were stupid and obvious lies that didnt come close to lining up with reality, he paused and staired at you waiting for you to call him a lier so he could kill you. I decided he wasnt safe to converse with. He was a trainer at Swift and Im guessing he was fired for killing a student although I dont know for sure. He claimed to be hired at "over .50 cpm" presumably
   for his skills in advanced interpersonal relationships.
   
   A thin balding early 50ish man with glasses sat counting and recounting his pills. He had about seven or eight bottles of perscription meds in front of him and was quite concerned about his recent count. "If I get this wrong I could go into a coma and die, he explained" . OK Buddy. No problem! Here are the keys and here is your 80,000 pound truck. Be safe!
   
   All of this on my first day! I should have followed my instincts and left
   immediatly but I resolved to "stick it out" . What a waste of time and money.
   
   All of my trainers have been unqualified nitwits. One was a big 2 million miler that CONSTANTLY tailgated and screamed at cars. He too was a sociopath and pathological lier to boot. This is proof of my old theory that you have you can be really lucky and not safe at all to get a safe driving award. Thats a whole seperate chapter that I could tell if I had to. The big 2 million miler had serious hygene issues that are so gross I wont even go into. I had to put vics vapor rub under my nose to keep from throwing up. He was so fat that it was too hard to walk to the showers so we just skipped that waste of time.
   
   Ok. I will go in to it.
   
   I could tell which position he was sleeping in from the blast of odor that emmenated from the bottom bunk. if his arms were up, you would be rocked with a blast of sour viniger/rotten sharp cheddar cheese from his arm pits. If he was on his back I was treated to the lovely smell of bacteria that festers in oral cavities that go unbrushed for god knows how long. I *NEVER * repeat N E V E R saw him brush his teeth. The best was, if god forbid, he put a knee up while sleeping on his stomach. Then you get the mother of all odors. Sweaty butt juice that I am convinced harbored not only bacteria and fungus but perhaps even disease straight from the pits of hell. He was so fat that I am guessing that his hands could not reach his butt to wash it. His ### was so nasty that I am ashamed to say that I caught somthing from his sweaty butt juice while sitting in the same seat. I am no doctor but I am guessing that it was some kind of fungus that attacked the crack of my butt and gave me raw skin like a diaper rash. I cured it by spraying my butt with lysoll against the instructions on the label. I also purchaced a folding seat to seperate my now healing butt from his nasty butt juice infested seat.
   
   I tried everything to keep the stench from coming up from the bottom bunk. I tried to stuff socks and clothing in the crack between the bottom
   and top bunk. I stuffed my jacket in the space between the wall and your head too but the smell did not need the wind from the ventalation to waft up to the top.
   
   Every morning at around 4:00 am he would start farting. Not just little innocent farts either. Oh no! It would start out with just a little rasp. But after just a little while it was a full symphony of putrid rotting intestinal
   matter culminating with him ######## his pants before 5:30.
   
   So after I figured out that he was ######## himself I would go outside in the freezing snow or whatever was outside at 4:30am just to escape.
   
   I can prove all of this and will name names if anyone accuses me of lieing.
   
   Werner sucks and after I get my big 500.00 bonus for putting up with this "training" I am so outta here.

 

[beaglebriar]

That's pretty awesome, reminds me of this little gem from The Trucker's Report:

I am Sooooo stupid! While in school I got to looking at all of those nice posters with pictures of new rigs promising "Newest eqipment" and showing people studying at computer terminals (computer based training) and thought to myself "This company has got it together" .

1. WHAT A JOKE!!!
   DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!!!
   
   Recriuters are ruthless liers. I have an excellent work history (until now) and NO accidents or tickets and 400,000 old safe driving commercial miles. 36 cents a mile is the only reason I picked
   this P.O.S. company over the other 7 (thats right SEVEN) companys that pre-approved me. Now that I am in this satan based rip-off, the other companys want NOTHING to do with me. I am now apearently tainted with the filth and stench of Werner.
   
   At orientatation the first thing the manager said is this: "I don't know what the recruiters told you men, but you will be making .26 cents a mile
   you WONT get a new truck of your choice, you WONT get to chose your color and your name WONT be on the door like the recruiters told you."
   
   How did HE know?
   
   I looked around the room and took a quick inventory of the other drivers.
   I'm very sorry, but I have never been in the same room with so many one-toothed, greasy haired ,unwashed, stinky, scrape the bottom of the barrell looser- looking men in my whole life. I take it back. The same bunch would fit right in at the homeless mission. I am sorry. it's the truth.
   
   Turns out they ALL had serious issues. They WERE bottom of the barrell.
   
   The 500 pounder with greasy hair who kept picking his nose and rolling bugers in his fingers was fired from Swift for running over a fire hydrant with his trailer. "I was lost. You should see how small those streets are" . He was starting out at .38 cpm apearantly because he had experience in wrecking things. This guy had an endless supply of bugers. I personally counted him roll and flick five of them before I asked to be seated somewhere else in the computer lab. No lie.
   
   The skinny one with greased back hair, Elvis sideburns, pencil thin mustach and an ever present toothpick for his one tooth (you can't make this stuff up) was fired from the bowling alley and banned for life for stealing Earl Anthony's personal bowling ball. He also was glad Werner overlooked a semi-recent drunk driving which of course was a set-up because he was doing the police chief's daughter.
   
   The psyco Iraq war vet (sans front teeth) who "saw alot of dead bodys and body parts" I avoided. After telling 3 lame lies in a row, all of which were stupid and obvious lies that didnt come close to lining up with reality, he paused and staired at you waiting for you to call him a lier so he could kill you. I decided he wasnt safe to converse with. He was a trainer at Swift and Im guessing he was fired for killing a student although I dont know for sure. He claimed to be hired at "over .50 cpm" presumably
   for his skills in advanced interpersonal relationships.
   
   A thin balding early 50ish man with glasses sat counting and recounting his pills. He had about seven or eight bottles of perscription meds in front of him and was quite concerned about his recent count. "If I get this wrong I could go into a coma and die, he explained" . OK Buddy. No problem! Here are the keys and here is your 80,000 pound truck. Be safe!
   
   All of this on my first day! I should have followed my instincts and left
   immediatly but I resolved to "stick it out" . What a waste of time and money.
   
   All of my trainers have been unqualified nitwits. One was a big 2 million miler that CONSTANTLY tailgated and screamed at cars. He too was a sociopath and pathological lier to boot. This is proof of my old theory that you have you can be really lucky and not safe at all to get a safe driving award. Thats a whole seperate chapter that I could tell if I had to. The big 2 million miler had serious hygene issues that are so gross I wont even go into. I had to put vics vapor rub under my nose to keep from throwing up. He was so fat that it was too hard to walk to the showers so we just skipped that waste of time.
   
   Ok. I will go in to it.
   
   I could tell which position he was sleeping in from the blast of odor that emmenated from the bottom bunk. if his arms were up, you would be rocked with a blast of sour viniger/rotten sharp cheddar cheese from his arm pits. If he was on his back I was treated to the lovely smell of bacteria that festers in oral cavities that go unbrushed for god knows how long. I *NEVER * repeat N E V E R saw him brush his teeth. The best was, if god forbid, he put a knee up while sleeping on his stomach. Then you get the mother of all odors. Sweaty butt juice that I am convinced harbored not only bacteria and fungus but perhaps even disease straight from the pits of hell. He was so fat that I am guessing that his hands could not reach his butt to wash it. His ### was so nasty that I am ashamed to say that I caught somthing from his sweaty butt juice while sitting in the same seat. I am no doctor but I am guessing that it was some kind of fungus that attacked the crack of my butt and gave me raw skin like a diaper rash. I cured it by spraying my butt with lysoll against the instructions on the label. I also purchaced a folding seat to seperate my now healing butt from his nasty butt juice infested seat.
   
   I tried everything to keep the stench from coming up from the bottom bunk. I tried to stuff socks and clothing in the crack between the bottom
   and top bunk. I stuffed my jacket in the space between the wall and your head too but the smell did not need the wind from the ventalation to waft up to the top.
   
   Every morning at around 4:00 am he would start farting. Not just little innocent farts either. Oh no! It would start out with just a little rasp. But after just a little while it was a full symphony of putrid rotting intestinal
   matter culminating with him ######## his pants before 5:30.
   
   So after I figured out that he was ######## himself I would go outside in the freezing snow or whatever was outside at 4:30am just to escape.
   
   I can prove all of this and will name names if anyone accuses me of lieing.
   
   Werner sucks and after I get my big 500.00 bonus for putting up with this "training" I am so outta here.

There ain't enough money in the world to make that situation "OK".

 

[livemusic]

That's pretty awesome, reminds me of this little gem from The Trucker's Report:

I am Sooooo stupid! While in school I got to looking at all of those nice posters with pictures of new rigs promising "Newest eqipment" and showing people studying at computer terminals (computer based training) and thought to myself "This company has got it together" .

1. WHAT A JOKE!!!
   DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!!!
   
   Recriuters are ruthless liers. I have an excellent work history (until now) and NO accidents or tickets and 400,000 old safe driving commercial miles. 36 cents a mile is the only reason I picked
   this P.O.S. company over the other 7 (thats right SEVEN) companys that pre-approved me. Now that I am in this satan based rip-off, the other companys want NOTHING to do with me. I am now apearently tainted with the filth and stench of Werner.
   
   At orientatation the first thing the manager said is this: "I don't know what the recruiters told you men, but you will be making .26 cents a mile
   you WONT get a new truck of your choice, you WONT get to chose your color and your name WONT be on the door like the recruiters told you."
   
   How did HE know?
   
   I looked around the room and took a quick inventory of the other drivers.
   I'm very sorry, but I have never been in the same room with so many one-toothed, greasy haired ,unwashed, stinky, scrape the bottom of the barrell looser- looking men in my whole life. I take it back. The same bunch would fit right in at the homeless mission. I am sorry. it's the truth.
   
   Turns out they ALL had serious issues. They WERE bottom of the barrell.
   
   The 500 pounder with greasy hair who kept picking his nose and rolling bugers in his fingers was fired from Swift for running over a fire hydrant with his trailer. "I was lost. You should see how small those streets are" . He was starting out at .38 cpm apearantly because he had experience in wrecking things. This guy had an endless supply of bugers. I personally counted him roll and flick five of them before I asked to be seated somewhere else in the computer lab. No lie.
   
   The skinny one with greased back hair, Elvis sideburns, pencil thin mustach and an ever present toothpick for his one tooth (you can't make this stuff up) was fired from the bowling alley and banned for life for stealing Earl Anthony's personal bowling ball. He also was glad Werner overlooked a semi-recent drunk driving which of course was a set-up because he was doing the police chief's daughter.
   
   The psyco Iraq war vet (sans front teeth) who "saw alot of dead bodys and body parts" I avoided. After telling 3 lame lies in a row, all of which were stupid and obvious lies that didnt come close to lining up with reality, he paused and staired at you waiting for you to call him a lier so he could kill you. I decided he wasnt safe to converse with. He was a trainer at Swift and Im guessing he was fired for killing a student although I dont know for sure. He claimed to be hired at "over .50 cpm" presumably
   for his skills in advanced interpersonal relationships.
   
   A thin balding early 50ish man with glasses sat counting and recounting his pills. He had about seven or eight bottles of perscription meds in front of him and was quite concerned about his recent count. "If I get this wrong I could go into a coma and die, he explained" . OK Buddy. No problem! Here are the keys and here is your 80,000 pound truck. Be safe!
   
   All of this on my first day! I should have followed my instincts and left
   immediatly but I resolved to "stick it out" . What a waste of time and money.
   
   All of my trainers have been unqualified nitwits. One was a big 2 million miler that CONSTANTLY tailgated and screamed at cars. He too was a sociopath and pathological lier to boot. This is proof of my old theory that you have you can be really lucky and not safe at all to get a safe driving award. Thats a whole seperate chapter that I could tell if I had to. The big 2 million miler had serious hygene issues that are so gross I wont even go into. I had to put vics vapor rub under my nose to keep from throwing up. He was so fat that it was too hard to walk to the showers so we just skipped that waste of time.
   
   Ok. I will go in to it.
   
   I could tell which position he was sleeping in from the blast of odor that emmenated from the bottom bunk. if his arms were up, you would be rocked with a blast of sour viniger/rotten sharp cheddar cheese from his arm pits. If he was on his back I was treated to the lovely smell of bacteria that festers in oral cavities that go unbrushed for god knows how long. I *NEVER * repeat N E V E R saw him brush his teeth. The best was, if god forbid, he put a knee up while sleeping on his stomach. Then you get the mother of all odors. Sweaty butt juice that I am convinced harbored not only bacteria and fungus but perhaps even disease straight from the pits of hell. He was so fat that I am guessing that his hands could not reach his butt to wash it. His ### was so nasty that I am ashamed to say that I caught somthing from his sweaty butt juice while sitting in the same seat. I am no doctor but I am guessing that it was some kind of fungus that attacked the crack of my butt and gave me raw skin like a diaper rash. I cured it by spraying my butt with lysoll against the instructions on the label. I also purchaced a folding seat to seperate my now healing butt from his nasty butt juice infested seat.
   
   I tried everything to keep the stench from coming up from the bottom bunk. I tried to stuff socks and clothing in the crack between the bottom
   and top bunk. I stuffed my jacket in the space between the wall and your head too but the smell did not need the wind from the ventalation to waft up to the top.
   
   Every morning at around 4:00 am he would start farting. Not just little innocent farts either. Oh no! It would start out with just a little rasp. But after just a little while it was a full symphony of putrid rotting intestinal
   matter culminating with him ######## his pants before 5:30.
   
   So after I figured out that he was ######## himself I would go outside in the freezing snow or whatever was outside at 4:30am just to escape.
   
   I can prove all of this and will name names if anyone accuses me of lieing.
   
   Werner sucks and after I get my big 500.00 bonus for putting up with this "training" I am so outta here.

Hilarious! The other fellow with the long story, that was funny too! This whole thread is priceless.

 

[Lightning Performance]

That's pretty awesome, reminds me of this little gem from The Trucker's Report:

I am Sooooo stupid! While in school I got to looking at all of those nice posters with pictures of new rigs promising "Newest eqipment" and showing people studying at computer terminals (computer based training) and thought to myself "This company has got it together" .

1. WHAT A JOKE!!!
   DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!!!
   
   Recriuters are ruthless liers. I have an excellent work history (until now) and NO accidents or tickets and 400,000 old safe driving commercial miles. 36 cents a mile is the only reason I picked
   this P.O.S. company over the other 7 (thats right SEVEN) companys that pre-approved me. Now that I am in this satan based rip-off, the other companys want NOTHING to do with me. I am now apearently tainted with the filth and stench of Werner.
   
   At orientatation the first thing the manager said is this: "I don't know what the recruiters told you men, but you will be making .26 cents a mile
   you WONT get a new truck of your choice, you WONT get to chose your color and your name WONT be on the door like the recruiters told you."
   
   How did HE know?
   
   I looked around the room and took a quick inventory of the other drivers.
   I'm very sorry, but I have never been in the same room with so many one-toothed, greasy haired ,unwashed, stinky, scrape the bottom of the barrell looser- looking men in my whole life. I take it back. The same bunch would fit right in at the homeless mission. I am sorry. it's the truth.
   
   Turns out they ALL had serious issues. They WERE bottom of the barrell.
   
   The 500 pounder with greasy hair who kept picking his nose and rolling bugers in his fingers was fired from Swift for running over a fire hydrant with his trailer. "I was lost. You should see how small those streets are" . He was starting out at .38 cpm apearantly because he had experience in wrecking things. This guy had an endless supply of bugers. I personally counted him roll and flick five of them before I asked to be seated somewhere else in the computer lab. No lie.
   
   The skinny one with greased back hair, Elvis sideburns, pencil thin mustach and an ever present toothpick for his one tooth (you can't make this stuff up) was fired from the bowling alley and banned for life for stealing Earl Anthony's personal bowling ball. He also was glad Werner overlooked a semi-recent drunk driving which of course was a set-up because he was doing the police chief's daughter.
   
   The psyco Iraq war vet (sans front teeth) who "saw alot of dead bodys and body parts" I avoided. After telling 3 lame lies in a row, all of which were stupid and obvious lies that didnt come close to lining up with reality, he paused and staired at you waiting for you to call him a lier so he could kill you. I decided he wasnt safe to converse with. He was a trainer at Swift and Im guessing he was fired for killing a student although I dont know for sure. He claimed to be hired at "over .50 cpm" presumably
   for his skills in advanced interpersonal relationships.
   
   A thin balding early 50ish man with glasses sat counting and recounting his pills. He had about seven or eight bottles of perscription meds in front of him and was quite concerned about his recent count. "If I get this wrong I could go into a coma and die, he explained" . OK Buddy. No problem! Here are the keys and here is your 80,000 pound truck. Be safe!
   
   All of this on my first day! I should have followed my instincts and left
   immediatly but I resolved to "stick it out" . What a waste of time and money.
   
   All of my trainers have been unqualified nitwits. One was a big 2 million miler that CONSTANTLY tailgated and screamed at cars. He too was a sociopath and pathological lier to boot. This is proof of my old theory that you have you can be really lucky and not safe at all to get a safe driving award. Thats a whole seperate chapter that I could tell if I had to. The big 2 million miler had serious hygene issues that are so gross I wont even go into. I had to put vics vapor rub under my nose to keep from throwing up. He was so fat that it was too hard to walk to the showers so we just skipped that waste of time.
   
   Ok. I will go in to it.
   
   I could tell which position he was sleeping in from the blast of odor that emmenated from the bottom bunk. if his arms were up, you would be rocked with a blast of sour viniger/rotten sharp cheddar cheese from his arm pits. If he was on his back I was treated to the lovely smell of bacteria that festers in oral cavities that go unbrushed for god knows how long. I *NEVER * repeat N E V E R saw him brush his teeth. The best was, if god forbid, he put a knee up while sleeping on his stomach. Then you get the mother of all odors. Sweaty butt juice that I am convinced harbored not only bacteria and fungus but perhaps even disease straight from the pits of hell. He was so fat that I am guessing that his hands could not reach his butt to wash it. His ### was so nasty that I am ashamed to say that I caught somthing from his sweaty butt juice while sitting in the same seat. I am no doctor but I am guessing that it was some kind of fungus that attacked the crack of my butt and gave me raw skin like a diaper rash. I cured it by spraying my butt with lysoll against the instructions on the label. I also purchaced a folding seat to seperate my now healing butt from his nasty butt juice infested seat.
   
   I tried everything to keep the stench from coming up from the bottom bunk. I tried to stuff socks and clothing in the crack between the bottom
   and top bunk. I stuffed my jacket in the space between the wall and your head too but the smell did not need the wind from the ventalation to waft up to the top.
   
   Every morning at around 4:00 am he would start farting. Not just little innocent farts either. Oh no! It would start out with just a little rasp. But after just a little while it was a full symphony of putrid rotting intestinal
   matter culminating with him ######## his pants before 5:30.
   
   So after I figured out that he was ######## himself I would go outside in the freezing snow or whatever was outside at 4:30am just to escape.
   
   I can prove all of this and will name names if anyone accuses me of lieing.
   
   Werner sucks and after I get my big 500.00 bonus for putting up with this "training" I am so outta here.

NFW. WOWSERS!

His truck seat could start a whole new civilisation

 

[FergusonTO35]

I live near a truck stop, and this story is quite believable!

 

[FergusonTO35]

My side job is in sporting goods at a regional retail chain. Much as I hate to admit it, the gun and ammo counter is a real dummy magnet sometimes. Today, one Mensa member comes in and starts chatting about fixing a pistol that is having feed jams. With a completely straight face, he said that he puts a drop of oil on each round when loading it into the magazine and never has any problems with jamming!!

 

[dahmer]

My side job is in sporting goods at a regional retail chain. Much as I hate to admit it, the gun and ammo counter is a real dummy magnet sometimes. Today, one Mensa member comes in and starts chatting about fixing a pistol that is having feed jams. With a completely straight face, he said that he puts a drop of oil on each round when loading it into the magazine and never has any problems with jamming!!

Hope it was penetrating oil so when it worked it’s way to the primer it’s easier to knock out for reloading.

 

[oldbitz]

A couple of good ones from back when I was still on the tools. Customers car comes in with intermittent ignition issue that only occurred going around left corners or braking hard. spent several hours and for the life of us we couldn't replicate the issue. Gave the car back to the customer we gets an angry phone call the effing thing is still doing it, so I get sent out to bring the vehicle back. Drove it back to the workshop and it doesn't miss a beat spent another couple of hours and still couldn't replicate the issue, so we call the customer back in and ask him to take us for a drive to see if it's something he is doing. Anyway he jumps in the car pulls out this huge bundle of keys and puts them in the ignition and off we go, I get him to hit the brakes and sure enough there is an issue, we get going again and around a left hand bend and it cuts out again... Turned out the weight of the keys was turning the ignition off under certain conditions, and the reason we couldn't find it was he kept the bunch of keys with him and gave us just the ignition key. The reason he had never had an issue before was he had just started a new job as a cleaner for several big building and as a result had all these extra keys.

Another one was a young mechanic we hired straight out of the army had only worked on trucks and big machines, he went ok for a few days then our lube tech was on vacation so the new guy got put on doing lubes. First car he isn't really paying much attention sorta zoned out, so he drops the oil and filter puts new filter on and started filling the oil with the overhead pump. While it's filling he goes underneath and starts greasing it as he used to in the army totally forgetting it's not a truck or tank and only takes 4.5 litres not the 25 or 40 ltrs he was use to. No prizes for guessing what came next... needless to say the boss wasn't impressed at the amount of oil all over the ground when the engine over filled.

 

[FergusonTO35]

Another customer story. On Saturday, a fellow came in asking if we had a spare mag for his long-discontinued Taurus pistol. After I gave him the bad news, he explained that the lack of a spare mag is ok because he is much more deadly with the katana sword. He qualified as "master" with the katana at the age of 8 and could slice two beef sides in one pass with it. He then asked if we had any strings for a longbow. I informed him we only had stuff for compounds, which meant he now had to explain why he prefers the longbow. Apparently, his grandfather was Native American and taught him to shoot the longbow with deadly accuracy, so much so that a compound would be a step backwards. In his words, "why should I shoot a deer in the chest with a compound and have to track it when I can shoot it in the eye with a longbow and have it dead right there?"

 

[Steve]

Another customer story. On Saturday, a fellow came in asking if we had a spare mag for his long-discontinued Taurus pistol. After I gave him the bad news, he explained that the lack of a spare mag is ok because he is much more deadly with the katana sword. He qualified as "master" with the katana at the age of 8 and could slice two beef sides in one pass with it. He then asked if we had any strings for a longbow. I informed him we only had stuff for compounds, which meant he now had to explain why he prefers the longbow. Apparently, his grandfather was Native American and taught him to shoot the longbow with deadly accuracy, so much so that a compound would be a step backwards. In his words, "why should I shoot a deer in the chest with a compound and have to track it when I can shoot it in the eye with a longbow and have it dead right there?"

Thats a bad mutha *f-worda right there!

 

[FergusonTO35]

Shut yo' mouth!!

 

[FergusonTO35]

They just keep getting better. There is a fella at my day job around 62 years old who has been there forever. Within the narrow confines of his job description he is extremely good. In every other area of life he varies from embarrassing to complete disaster. He is friendly and outgoing to an irritating degree and really bad at reading social cues. A young lady around 24 starts working there and she is pretty hot. I'm married, 41, and on lower plane looks-wise so not gonna worry about her. My co-worker, married and old enough to be her grandpa, is not deterred.

His boss had planned to take their office out for lunch one day to welcome the new employee to the fold. That got cancelled due to the corona virus, so my guy takes it upon himself to buy the new girl a gift card, along with a personal apology for not being able to go to lunch with her. She gets assigned telecommuting duties beginning this monday, so friday will be her last day on location for awhile. Hearing this news, our hero announces he is so sorry that he won't get to see her around and is going to buy donuts for the office to see her off. The boss talks him out of that, informing him that the gift card was a nice enough gesture. When you combine this with his years of telling us stories about extracurricular activities during his first marriage, it is uncomfortably obvious what he was trying to do here.

 

[GCJenks204]

They just keep getting better. There is a fella at my day job around 62 years old who has been there forever. Within the narrow confines of his job description he is extremely good. In every other area of life he varies from embarrassing to complete disaster. He is friendly and outgoing to an irritating degree and really bad at reading social cues. A young lady around 24 starts working there and she is pretty hot. I'm married, 41, and on lower plane looks-wise so not gonna worry about her. My co-worker, married and old enough to be her grandpa, is not deterred.

His boss had planned to take their office out for lunch one day to welcome the new employee to the fold. That got cancelled due to the corona virus, so my guy takes it upon himself to buy the new girl a gift card, along with a personal apology for not being able to go to lunch with her. She gets assigned telecommuting duties beginning this monday, so friday will be her last day on location for awhile. Hearing this news, our hero announces he is so sorry that he won't get to see her around and is going to buy donuts for the office to see her off. The boss talks him out of that, informing him that the gift card was a nice enough gesture. When you combine this with his years of telling us stories about extracurricular activities during his first marriage, it is uncomfortably obvious what he was trying to do here.

Pics of new hot co-worker before she departs on Friday please... (Someone was going to ask why not me?)

 

[USMC615]

They just keep getting better. There is a fella at my day job around 62 years old who has been there forever. Within the narrow confines of his job description he is extremely good. In every other area of life he varies from embarrassing to complete disaster. He is friendly and outgoing to an irritating degree and really bad at reading social cues. A young lady around 24 starts working there and she is pretty hot. I'm married, 41, and on lower plane looks-wise so not gonna worry about her. My co-worker, married and old enough to be her grandpa, is not deterred.

His boss had planned to take their office out for lunch one day to welcome the new employee to the fold. That got cancelled due to the corona virus, so my guy takes it upon himself to buy the new girl a gift card, along with a personal apology for not being able to go to lunch with her. She gets assigned telecommuting duties beginning this monday, so friday will be her last day on location for awhile. Hearing this news, our hero announces he is so sorry that he won't get to see her around and is going to buy donuts for the office to see her off. The boss talks him out of that, informing him that the gift card was a nice enough gesture. When you combine this with his years of telling us stories about extracurricular activities during his first marriage, it is uncomfortably obvious what he was trying to do here.

Yep...pics of sweetie!

 

[Wonkydonkey]

I want pics of both parties, just for my own mind, ,, I know it’s very dirty, but to think a 24yr female will want other help from dirty older men intrigues me... like ...

 

[FergusonTO35]

I'm trying to figure out how to do this while keeping it untraceable back to me. It doesn't help that neither have FB accounts that I can find.

 

[Dub11]

Not sure who is familiar with printing but this "new" guy that's has said he has 25 years experience might be stretching the truth.

S/T means single trim.


Pretty simple eh.