Tell me a joke.....

[angelo c]

Not a joke but entertaining non the less.
View attachment 32147

WOW?...50 cal V little chic......50 wins e'ry time !!!!

 

[Wolverine]

 

[Wood Doctor]

A rancher was minding his own business when an FBI agent came up up to him and said, “We got a tip that you may be growing illegal drugs on the premises. Do you mind if I take a look around?”

The old rancher replied, “That’s fine, you shouldn’t go over there though.” As he pointed at one of his fields.

The FBI agent snapped at him, “I’m am a federal agent! I can go wherever I want!” With that he pulled out his badge and shoved it into the ranchers face.

The rancher shrugged this off and continued with his daily chores. About 15 minutes later he heard a loud scream from the field he had pointed out earlier. All of a sudden he could see the FBI agent sprinting towards him with a large bull on his heels.

The rancher rushed to the fence and yelled, “Your badge! Show your badge to the bull!”

 

[Motorhead]

Poor old fool, thought a well dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskers, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Your the eighth.

 

[Philbert]

How do you titillate an ocelot?
.
.
.
.
.
(Oscillate her tit alot!)

 

[Wood Doctor]

A sign I saw in rural Nebraska that said this:
-----------------------------------
NOTICE: This Property is a Farm.
Farms Have Animals.
Animals: (1) Make Funny Sounds, (2) Smell Bad, and (3) Have Sex Outdoors.
So, Unless You Can Tolerate (1) Noise, (2) Odors, and (3) Sex,
Don't Buy Property Next to a Farm.
------------------------------------

Hmmm...

 

[Greenthorn]

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

 

[Motorhead]

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere . He gets out and tries to find something close by..and comes upon a farm. Not believing his luck, he knocks on the door, and a farmer answers. Sir says the salesman. Could you help me? My car's broken down, and I need a place to stay for the night. Sure say's the farmer. But I only have one bed, and my very, very ugly daughter sleeps there. Oh, Crap, says the salesman. I'm in the wrong joke.

 

[Motorhead]

A doctor tells a group of patients, The material we put into our stomachs is terrible. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it? An old man raises his hand and says, Wedding cake.

 

[Mastermind]

Did y'all hear about the kid born with no eye lids?

They used skin from circumcisions to build some for him.

He's doing fine now......

Just a little cock eyed.

 

[jakethesnake]

Thought you were gonna say he turned out to be a dick head

 

[TJ the Chainsaw Mechanic]

1st one was funnier is why.

 

[hseII]

Did y'all hear about the kid born with no eye lids?

They used skin from circumcisions to build some for him.

He's doing fine now......

Just a little cock eyed.

1st one was funnier is why.

 

[Motorhead]

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him. When you first get married, you want it all the time.....and maybe you'll do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year like maybe on your anniversary. The young man then asked his grandfather. Well how about you and Grandma now? His grandfather replied, oh we just have oral sex now. What's oral sex? Well, Grandpa said. She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, Screw you, and I holler back Screw you too.

 

[Motorhead]

I went to the shell gas station this morning and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt .

 

[Motorhead]

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, Honey, my hands are freezing! She says, Well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up. After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, Man my hands are really freezing! She says again, Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up. He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, Honey, my hands are really freezing! She looks at him and says, For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?

 

[jakethesnake]

That's a good one

 

[fossil]

 

[Motorhead]

A little boy goes into a hoe house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial desease. The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho. After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why,he wanted the ho with the venerial deseases. The boy. Answers. When I go home, I will get a baby sitter while my parents go out to eat and I'll do her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive her home and screw her in the car. Tonight my parents will do it. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman. And that's the son of a b##ch who ran over my frog!

 

[Ryan Browne]

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?





I don't pay $10 to have a garbanzo bean on my face...