Tell me a joke.....

[angelo c]

Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy, on a recommendation I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the nurse began my procedure.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.
"I don't have an erection," I replied.
"No, but I have," replied the nurse.
Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco

 

[Wood Doctor]

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering," said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?"

"First Place," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio says, "this is mine."

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?" asked Pinocchio.

 

[darkimpulse]

Today I spent all morning at the wife's grave. She still thinks I am digging a pond.

 

[Stihlsmoking]

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex ?
Opens the car door.

 

[Stihlsmoking]

WhTs the difference between light and hard ?





You can sleep with a light on.

 

[Crzybowhntr]

Now I have official notification of winning the saw. Is it okay to ask what oil I should run here or should I start a new oil thread?

I run vegetable oil 70:20

 

[Stihlsmoking]

What's the first thing a blonde does when she wakes
Up? Gets dressed an goes home.

 

[Stihlsmoking]

A blonde calls 911 says hurry my house is on fire.
911" where do you live.
Blonde" at home.
911" no where is your home.
Blonde" on the corner.
911" no I mean how do we get there.
Blonde" duh big red truck.

 

[Wood Doctor]

What's the first thing a blonde does when she wakes
Up? Gets dressed and goes home.

What's the biggest difference between a brunette and a blonde?

A brunette goes out, has a good time, goes home, and then goes to bed.
A blonde goes out, goes to bed, has a good time, and then goes home.

 

[Stihlsmoking]

Did you hear about the Indian that drank to much tea.







He drown in his own teepee.

 

[TJ the Chainsaw Mechanic]

 

[TJ the Chainsaw Mechanic]

This doesn't mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars.......But there always are (alot of) exceptions!!
Yesterday I was having some work done at the ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know; The little piece that goes in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710!!!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, It's right there."
Now go to the photo below and learn what a 710 is.

 

[redtractor]

 

[redtractor]

Here's something funny. I started coming to these forums to learn how to work on my saws so I could SAVE money!

 

[Motorhead]

Here's something funny. I started coming to these forums to learn how to work on my saws so I could SAVE money!

HaHa,The jokes on us.

 

[beaglebriar]

What's the difference between pussy and a freezer?? When you pull meat out of the freezer it doesn't fart.

 

[P.M.P.]

Found some oil for all you CHEVY LOVERS

 

[Locust Cutter]

Nice try Boomhower, but that Glorious gem was made before Gov't Motors and the anointed one...

 

[TJ the Chainsaw Mechanic]

Obama appreciated your vote...

Well when that POS's A** finally gets kicked out of office maybe GM will be better off. I didn't vote for obummer for your info. lol I'm not that stupid. But this forum is not for political debates so I rest my case.

 

[Boomhower]