Relationship woes

[mdavlee]

I’ve been down this road twice now. The first never wanted to talk about anything difficult and it wasn’t fixable with her not wanting to change or see any wrong doing and I was the bad guy. The second wanted to fix the rut and move back home. A week later there’s a new man and now we’re filing for divorce and waiting on the time to be up for it to finalize. I’m afraid to guess but she’s probably been talking to someone else that can fix all her problems for her according to them. It’s temporary more than likely and she may come back when she realizes the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

 

[Yukon Stihl]

My wife left me when my daughter was 3
I didn't like being a part time Dad
So i took her back after 6 months or so of "working on stuffs"
It was never the same.I gave myself a timeline on how long i would endure the life that was returned by her coming back.
In the end she left again,my daughter became best friends with her over the last 3 ish years we were together. My daughter asked me to stay out of her life when they left together. There was a forest fire threatening our town at the time,they didn't care they were leaving on may 31st no matter what.I haven't heard from my daughter since they left.Still trying to finish dealing with the divorce.
It's still tough when my daughter comes to mind.
I would never take the wife back.She had mental issues which were confirmed when we were working on stuff's,even had the paperwork to prove it.The problem was she refused to work on things.She built walls higher and thicker every time i expressed what i was feeling.
Didn't end the way that i ever dreamed it would.My daughter's feeling for me came out of the blue and it was the worst feeling i ever had.
But the bright side is that i decided that life was going to continue for me.I could have easily started drinking again,who would blame me, we both pretty much quit when we had our baby. I know that my daughter is a good person,she is pursuing her dreams in University and growing as a human.I never expected her to live down the street...
Time dulls the pain
Now i have a great girlfriend,we share life with each other.
Look after yourself,you never know whats ahead but if you don't look after yourself you will not be able to look after anyone else.If there are kids involved,make sure you are thinking of what is best for them.
Stay healthy,especially brain healthy.
Life happens,and nobody ever knows whats next.

 

[Frank bierce]

I’ve been down this road twice now. The first never wanted to talk about anything difficult and it wasn’t fixable with her not wanting to change or see any wrong doing and I was the bad guy. The second wanted to fix the rut and move back home. A week later there’s a new man and now we’re filing for divorce and waiting on the time to be up for it to finalize. I’m afraid to guess but she’s probably been talking to someone else that can fix all her problems for her according to them. It’s temporary more than likely and she may come back when she realizes the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

I hope, and dont think that is the case. Only time will tell I guess. Hoping all works out for you as best as possible.

 

[EvilRoySlade]

Had the same 5 years ago, she wanted something different. Who knows what you’re case is but here’s some advice I learned while trying to understand what happened. The simple statement of “unspoken expectations” has a lot of importance. If either of you expect something of the other but never speak about it, that can lead to resentment. Which sadly can snowball. Without communication, any relationship is difficult.

I hope things work out for you Frank, whatever it may be. There is happiness in either outcome though, just not easy to see that until the fog clears

 

[Creaky limb tree care]

Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright then its not the end... I wish you the best of luck buddy!

 

[Mastermind]

I have nothing to add in the way of marriage advice. My first ol lady was a drunken slut. It was fun....till it wasn't anymore. Glenda and I have been married almost 35 years...I have no idea why. We just enjoy being with each other. Always have.

Frank....if you need anything, let me know. I'm a pretty good listener.

 

[mdavlee]

I hope, and dont think that is the case. Only time will tell I guess. Hoping all works out for you as best as possible.

Thanks Frank. I hope it’s not the case for you and she’s actually working on herself and not someone else.

 

[RI Chevy]

Sorry to hear Mike. Best of luck for you.

 

[CrystalRiver1]

Sorry to hear this. I've had a couple of bad marriages. Mostly because I had not come to grips with myself and my appetites. Although my 2nd wife had a lot of mental health issues she refused to address and we didn't have much grace for each other. My current wife is a God send, yet I am a radically different guy as well. I tell Edna all the time...you got the greatest version of me...the others got the better looking version! hahahha

Here is my thoughts on marriage...only a few or perhaps one has a true call to me, has a heart for me, and wiring to deal with me. I'm kinda high-maintenance...but getting better
Some folks don't have the make-up to endure the challenges of marriage, aging, and time.
Blessed is the man and woman who do have a "grace, heart, and call" to each other.
I'll be praying for a great testimony one way or another.
Marriage Counseling can be a Game Changer for both or you.

 

[jacob j.]

Frank - It'll work out I think. Having had met both of you, I've realized you're both fine, solid people. Time and a steady hand is what will sort these issues out.

 

[Motorka]

Look for her actions , not what she say.

 

[Wonkydonkey]

I think the counselling route is away, it brings in the neutral party, it can get things and everyone on reasonable side..
if a side doesn’t want the counseling it shows they are not trying...

On a quick derail when my partner showed her true colours, [looked into her phone, 3 different guys on the go over the same time] so I had to try this route, but the counselling persons was a lesbian... hated men.! Only interested in how I was going to pay for my child. She did like it when I said why I did want any more children with my other half be cause I didn’t trust her. and of course she denied everything I said,
Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, she said.... I said because she swallowed ...
Edit... that was one of the texts she got..
Some girls seek some girls follow but the best ones swallow .... from the guy that moved in after we parted.....

it really was a waste of time. She would have carried on regardless. And 17yrs later she’s been with 3 regular guys, my son has seen this, that’s not counting all the others ?

You have to know the person and know what you want. And at the same time know what she wants.. that’s why I said the above..

good luck and my thoughts are with you... it really sucks being where you are.. and others as others say times are very trying now.. Covid and all..

I wish you all the best

 

[Frank bierce]

I must say, it amazes me how much priorities change when your other half is gone. So many of the tasks I would do throughout the weeks, are done because she is there. Making sure the fire is stoked, and turned up a little before I leave for work is one small example. Used to always make sure she was warm in the mornings.

 

[Yukon Stihl]

I was told once by an elder
"when you leave the house and your other half...
Piss her off.
That way you know she is thinking about you.
Might not be nice things,but she will bethinking of you...

 

[timg]

Lots a good advice and comments on here for a bunch of saw hacks and tree fallers LOL!! Keep the main guy in mind. You gotta be happy with yourselves. Kids are young and can be intimidated. They will come around as life progresses. But, stay positive and focused on yourselves for the time being.

 

[bigbadbob]

Just checkin in,, how ya makin out??

 

[Frank bierce]

Feeling better day by day. Hate the rollercoaster of emotions. Really no word from the wife. Just hear from her if it has to do with the kids...doesn’t seem to want to work on the marriage at all. Have come to terms, that this will likely end in divorce.

 

[USMC615]

Feeling better day by day. Hate the rollercoaster of emotions. Really no word from the wife. Just hear from her if it has to do with the kids...doesn’t seem to want to work on the marriage at all. Have come to terms, that this will likely end in divorce.

Hate to hear it, especially for the kids' sake. And if little to no conversation concerning you and her to now, you can probably stick a fork in this one...it's a done deal. I spent 18 years in my one and only marriage (1988-2006) and two damn good, educated, grown kids now (29 yr old son/22 yr old daughter).

One thing's for certain about women, including the one(s) that don't work out...they're a dime a dozen on this planet!

Good luck with you folks decisions.

 

[Kerfed]

Hope it ends up as best it can. Best advice I ever got was “don’t go to bed angry” which is tough to do sometimes! The whole unspoken expectations eventually breeding resentment which was mentioned is worth reading again, too damn true.

 

[redoakneck]

Sorry to hear about your situation Frank.
Stay on the high road no matter what, don't speak negatively about your wife to your kids , she is still their mother.

Very difficult if she won't speak, the longer it stays silent, the harder it is to make amends!!!

The parenting team can't work without a lot of cooperation

Good luck, hopefully she wants to work it out!!!