Tell me a joke.....

[Marshy]

A vegan and atheist and an ironworker walk into a bar, how do you know which is which?

None of them shutup about it. Plus...

 

[wildroamer]

How do you refurbish an old hoe?
Shove a ham up her hoho and pull the bone out.

 

[olympyk_999]

None of them shutup about it. Plus...
View attachment 2125

you forgot "union member" in there...

 

[Marshy]

you forgot "union member" in there...

Arnt they the same?

 

[wildroamer]

Why do little (insert your mom's, wife's, girlfriend's ethnicity) girls put fish in their underwear?
So they can smell like big (insert your mom's, wife's, girlfriend's ethnicity) girls!

 

[wildroamer]

Little Jenny Lynn is a sweet, innocent small-town girl eagerly starting her first job ever as a teller at the tiny local bank.

She greets her first customer with a cheery “Good morning sir, can I help you?”

The gruff old man replies, “Sure you can. You can get me a f***ing deposit slip, so I can hurry up and get out of this podunk, backwoods little s**thole you call a town.”

In tears, Jenny runs into the bank proprietor’s office and tells him about the experience, and tries to quit her job on the spot.

“Now, now Jenny. Follow me and I'll handle this. Nobody is going to speak like that to an employee of mine!”

“I'd like to know what your problem is,” he asks the old codger.

“I'm just trying to deposit my million dollars, so I can get out of here!” comes the reply.

“A million dollars!?” shouts the manager. “And this little slut won't help you?!?!”

 

[exSW]

None of them shutup about it. Plus...
View attachment 2125

What I loved was when they were short,wouldn't take anymore into the training program but turned a blind eye if you worked the same jobs as them without a card.

 

[Marshy]

You realty want to pass them off just cross the picket line and go to work.

 

[jake wells]

OBAMA

jokes on him.

 

[wildroamer]

The doctor called to let me know my wife's test results were in. He said that unfortunately they were mixed up with another patient's, so there were actually two sets of results, but didn't know for sure whose were whose. He said, "I'm sorry, but your wife either has Aids, or Alzheimer's."
Of course I was shook, and asked him what I should do.
He said, "Send her for a walk around the block. If she comes back, don't f*ck her."

 

[olympyk_999]

The doctor called to let me know my wife's test results were in. He said that unfortunately they were mixed up with another patient's, so there were actually two sets of results, but didn't know for sure whose were whose. He said, "I'm sorry, but your wife either has Aids, or Alzheimer's."
Of course I was shook, and asked him what I should do.
He said, "Send her for a walk around the block. If she comes back, don't f*ck her."

 

[wildroamer]

Hard to tell a good joke anymore. They are all offensive to someone.

 

[wildroamer]

Hell, you can't even hardly make fun of retards nowadays.

 

[wildroamer]

My grandpaps wasn't the smartest man, but was a hard worker. Did all of his cutting with axes and handsaws. One day my Dad bought him a nice new chainsaw to make things a bit easier for the old feller. Gramps didn't have it a week before he brought it into the dealer asking to trade it in for some axe heads and a new hand saw.
"This dang thing don't cut for crap" he said.
So the guy says, "Well let's see what's wrong with it." and starts it with one pull.
"What's that noise?" asks Gramp...

 

[olympyk_999]

Hell, you can't even hardly make fun of retards nowadays.

 

[Greenthorn]

A little girl wants to take her dog for a walk. She goes to her mother and asks, "Mom may I take Betsy for a walk around the block". The mother replies, "No dear, she is in heat". The little girl asks, "Mommy what does in heat mean?" To which the mother replies, "Go ask your father". The little girl goes out to the garage and asks, "Daddy can I take Betsy for a walk around the block". The dad pauses for a second, then says, "Bring Betsy over here". He gets a rag, soaks it in gas and rubs it all across the dogs back to mask the scent. He says,"Okay now you can take Betsy for a walk". About 20 minutes later the little girl comes walking back with an empty leash. "Where is Betsy", the father asks? The little girl replied, "Oh, she ran out of gas about half way around the block so another dog is pushing her home".

 

[the GOAT]

Knock knock

 

[Greenthorn]

Mommy, what kind of bird brings a baby?
A stork.

Mommy, what kind of bird brings NO baby at all ??
A swallow..

 

[wildroamer]

Knock knock

Come In! Oops, I never was good at these...

 

[junkman]

Knock knock

Quit it GOAT