Tell me a joke.....

[junkman]

Husqvarna

 

[olympyk_999]

Husqvarna

 

[Redfin]

Woman goes to her gynecologist and says doc I think I hear my baby talking?

Doc says well let me have a looky. Doc sticks his mug up there and finds not one but three babies discussing what they wanted to do when they grow up.

First baby says how dark it is in there and wants to be an electrician.

Second baby was complaining he was tired of lying down all the time so he plans on building furniture.

Doc looks at a scouring third baby and asks what do you want to do? Baby says I want to be a boxer. Doc wondering why asks? Baby says cus the next time that bald guy sticks his head in here and spits on me im gonna knock him out!

 

[Mastermind]

Excellent.

 

[olympyk_999]

Excellent.

which is the opposite of what you are as a mod... stop ignoring my reports

 

[Mastermind]

which is the opposite of what you are as a mod... stop ignoring my reports

Ignored.

 

[Greenthorn]

Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants!

Not sure if that's a joke or not...

 

[Greenthorn]

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open
every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... did the Sheriff come?
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

 

[ft. churchill]

Obama was flying on air force one. One of his aides had a 10 year old daughter on board as well. The lil' girl was fussy and Obama sat next to her to try and calm her down. He said "A good way to forget about flying is to strike up a conversation with the person next to you." " I have big plans for transforming America." The young girls was not impressed and asked him, " If deer, cows and horses all eat grass, how come deer poop out little pellets, cows poop big flops, and horseys poop out large road apples?" Obama was taken aback by the girl's intelligence, and stammered for a bit then said "Why I'm not sure." Then the girl says, "Well then how do you think you can fundamentally transform America when you don't know crap."

 

[Mastermind]

That's a good one.

 

[Homelite410]

Priest, rabbi, blonde, police man, black guy, white guy, Mexican, and an Indian all walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "what is this, a joke"

 

[Greenthorn]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too - first with both hands, then an armpit - she even tried squeezin' it between her knee s, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor!?!?"







The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

 

[Homelite410]

Grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender looks down and says "hey, we have a drink named after you" grasshopper looks up and says "you have a drink named Steve"........

 

[olympyk_999]

Ignored.

GFY...cork sucker

 

[Mastermind]

You say like sucking corks are a bad thing.

 

[olympyk_999]

You say like sucking corks are a bad thing.

SVK that you?

 

[Mastermind]

SVK that you?

Brad? Is that you?

 

[olympyk_999]

 

[Marshy]

A vegan and atheist and an ironworker walk into a bar, how do you know which is which?

 

[olympyk_999]

A vegan and atheist and an ironworker walk into a bar, how do you know which is which?