Tell me a joke.....

[merc_man]

I usually refer my saws similar to sailors talking about their ships. Today I was working on a Husky 41's chain brake that was jammed up. LOML asked me what I was doing. I said, "It's a simple fix but it will take a little time to do her right because she's a rather old girl. She has a broken strap and it has to be replaced."

LOML said, "Are you sure you're working on a chain saw? I never heard of a saw wearing a brassiere."

What is LOML?

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk

 

[Wood Doctor]

What is LOML?

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk

Love of my life. Very common, it's been around for years. In my case, it refers to a lady I married nearly 37 years ago:

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

Hmmm... I guess I should never tell my wife whenever I buy another chainsaw... Sounds like Motorhead ran may also have run into that brick wall.

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset.

He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $75,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model"

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her," replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price. See you later, Dad."

 

[dall]

View attachment 80086

@USMC615 this will be you soon enough

 

[USMC615]

@USMC615 this will be you soon enough

Lol...

 

[S Sidwell]

Dang she/it or shim is ugly.

Steve, Samsung On5 using Tapatalk

 

[dall]

Dang she/it or shim is ugly.

Steve, Samsung On5 using Tapatalk

@USMC615 said he would tap it

 

[USMC615]

@USMC615 said he would tap it

Smash!!

 

[Motorhead]

 

[fossil]

Walk With Me While I Age
I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my forwarding it will be worth the effort.
Walk with me while I age - it's worth the read.
A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER




































*s-word .....
I forgot the words.

 

[old guy]

What do ya call a cow with a twitch?













Beef jerky!

 

[Wood Doctor]

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrapped wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, Suzie, that the word is sternum."

 

[Wood Doctor]

A drunk got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper asked, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

The drunk replied, "Well maybe just a little, why do you ask?"

"Well," said the trooper, "your wife fell out of the car three miles back."

"Oh thank God," said the drunk. "I thought for sure I went deaf."

 

[angelo c]

My Uncle Bob was from Chicago and was a staunch Conservative and voted Republican until the day he died!

Every year since then, he has voted Democratic

 

[breese]

Two rednecks were walking along when they saw a dog licking its balls.
The first redneck said, "I wish I could do that."
The other redneck said, "You *pretty boy, he would bite you."

 

[Philbert]

My Uncle Bob was from Chicago and was a staunch Conservative and voted Republican until the day he died!

Turnout was so low in Chicago last year that dead people only voted twice!

Philbert

 

[rocketnorton]

Two rednecks were walking along when they saw a dog licking its balls.
The first redneck said, "I wish I could do that."
The other redneck said, "pet him nice, he might let you."

fxd