Tell me a joke.....

[redtractor]

As the WWII bomber pilot settled into his seat, he pulled out a .38 revolver and placed it on top of the instrument panel.
Turning to the navigator, he asked, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, Sir, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use it on navigators that get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you do."

 

[redtractor]

My goal for 2017 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?
Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented....I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 50. I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW! Right?

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

 

[redtractor]

Husband asks wife "If I won the lottery, what would you do?"

Wife answers "Take half and leave."

Husband says "I won twelve dollars. Here's six, now get out."

 

[Ron660]

What did the Bee say to the flower? Hello Honey!

 

[Ron660]

Gotta have a joke thread.

Let's hear em.......

My daughter use to tell this one around Halloween:

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts!

 

[Mastermind]

Gutless bag of bones !!!!!!

 

[dall]

Gutless bag of bones !!!!!!

lol your jealous his legs was bigger than yours lol

 

[Mastermind]

lol your jealous his legs was bigger than yours lol

You forget that even I have feelings.

 

[Mastermind]

I wish I had real legs to go with those feelings. lol

 

[Frank bierce]

 

[Ron660]

View attachment 75796

It took me forever to read the joke looking at the picture.

 

[Ron660]

Another joke from my daughter:
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just waved.

 

[merc_man]

It took me forever to read the joke looking at the picture.

Ther was a joke.

Sent from my SM-J320W8 using Tapatalk

 

[Frank bierce]

 

[Wolverine]

 

[angelo c]

How ironic is this...
Read the article ...don't listen to the Jackwagon from NPR....

 

[Wolverine]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

I usually refer my saws similar to sailors talking about their ships. Today I was working on a Husky 41's chain brake that was jammed up. LOML asked me what I was doing. I said, "It's a simple fix but it will take a little time to do her right because she's a rather old girl. She has a broken strap and it has to be replaced."

LOML said, "Are you sure you're working on a chain saw? I never heard of a saw wearing a brassiere."

 

[rocketnorton]

the "riff raff" thing up the page.

just my $.02.