Tell me a joke.....

[old guy]

Mine (steak) better not be red in the center, if the salt doesn't bounce off it ain't done!

 

[Mastermind]

Mine (steak) better not be red in the center, if the salt doesn't bounce off it ain't done!

Yuck.

 

[Lnk]

Mine (steak) better not be red in the center, if the salt doesn't bounce off it ain't done!

Sounds like a catchers mitt.

 

[full chizel]

It better say moo when i stick my fork in it or its too done.

 

[EchoShindaiwaMakitaDolmar]

It's all pink on the inside.

My steak that is.

 

[greystone mountain man]

Knock it's horns off,wipe it's ass and put it on my plate

 

[Wilhelm]

My pup would love dining with some of You guys, and in regards to the rest of You she'd love You just the same - food is food, You'll eat it if You are hungry!

 

[Mack 880]

Old man walks into a bar and bets the bartender $50.00 he can lick his eyeball.

The bartender think "no way", and agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pulls out his dentures and lightly chomps them on his other eyeball

The bartender is fuming, but gives the man his money

The man then orders a beer, and walks away

The man walks back, and bets the bartender $1000 that he can piss directly into a shot glass while running, with 2 attempts

The bartender knows for a fact that this is impossible, and agrees to the bet

On attempt 1, the man gets piss everywhere, and none in the shot glass

The bartender smirks, with high hopes

On attempt 2, the man once again pisses everywhere in the bar, except for the glass

The bartender jumps up and down in excitement, knowing that he has won

Then another man in the corner of the bar screams '*f-word'

When the bartender asks what the problem is, the man says,
"That *a-hole just bet me $10,000 that he could piss all over the bar, and that you would be happy"

 

[Mack 880]

A very drunk man in a bar orders a scotch. The bartender says, "you are too drunk, Joe, go home."

Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.

A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."

The bartender says, "Joe, I told you. You're too drunk. Go home."

Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.

A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."

The bartender says, "Joe, for the last time. You're too drunk. Go home."

Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.

A few minutes later he walks back in, stops at the door, stares at the bartender and says, "God damn it! How many bars do you work at?"

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Bill G]

 

[Philbert]

For the rest of us . . .

Philbert

 

[ammoaddict]

Amazon does.
Festivus/Seinfeld: Celebration Kit (RP Minis) https://a.co/d/hSSGuRF

 

[Bill G]

 

[damifino]

If your wife is mad at you, buy a new chainsaw.
She will still be mad but you will have a new chainsaw.

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Bill G]

My gorgeous wife got fed up with my 600 saws.
She served me divorce papers on Christmas Eve.
I put the papers in the wood boiler.
I bought 200 more saws.
Bad decision!!!!

 

[Bill G]

The local turd wrangler gets a call to unclog a sewer drain.
The homeowner was a hot lil blondie.
He sticks his camera down her sewer pipe.
She asks you see any roots?
He says ...yes put you hat back on.

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Bill G]