Tell me a joke.....

[Woodslasher]

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says, "Yes, I am."

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.

The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

The guy replies, "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

 

[Woodslasher]

I think I need to find a new doctor.

My doctor's office sends me a Christmas card and a calendar every year. I really appreciate that, but the last calendar they sent only had six months on it.

 

[Woodslasher]

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly,
"Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?"
The pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
"Which service, the 8:15 or the 10:30?"

 

[Woodslasher]

I read a book on surgical procedures recently.
It was really good right up until the end.
Then I realized someone had removed the appendix.

 

[Woodslasher]

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls
were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That
was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips
to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the
maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put
them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked
the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He
took out a long handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the
mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators.

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[jakethesnake]

View attachment 343331

Philbert

That’s the truth

 

[fossil]

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

I did some electrical work on an Echo CS-355t last week. Then I saw this:

 

[Stihl036]

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

A farmer was telling his friend about the new bull he had just bought for $5,000. Said he put the bull in the pasture with his cows and the bull just ignored them. Being puzzled, the farmer called the vet. Vet came out, examined the bull and told the farmer the bull was just young and that he would give him some medicine to help him get started.

The next day the farmer went out to the pasture to check on the situation. To his delight the bull had serviced all the cows and had jumped the fence and was servicing his neighbor's cows.

His friend asked, "What kind of medicine did the vet give the bull?" The farmer replied, "I'm not sure, but it tasted like peppermint!"

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[fossil]

Anyone want to go with me?

 

[JugHead27]

L

Norm was hilarious. RIP to that “deeply closested man”

 

[JugHead27]

View attachment 344328

Philbert

Cal the waaaambulance !

 

[Philbert]

Need me one of these!




Philbert