Tell me a joke.....

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[nbbt]

-27F this morning

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[fossil]

Trying to keep up with Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[fossil]

Two little boys, Billy and Jimmy, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their Mom knows if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent Jimmy in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

 

[Motorhead]

 

[highland_hunter]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young female student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?”

 

[Pincher]

My father in law told this one last week.

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.

“Afraid not,” said the farmer.

“I’ll give you a thousand bucks!” said the city fella.

“I can’t sell you that horse. He don’t look too good,” replied the farmer.

“I know horses, and he looks fine. I’ll give you two thousand!” “Well, all right, if you want him so bad.”

The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. “You sold me a blind horse!”

“Well,” said the farmer, “I told you he didn’t look too good.”

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Wood Doctor]

An encore pun joke for Philbert, etc.:

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]