How to get better service on your machine
1) Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form an opinion as to what is wrong. Allow each person the chance to correct the problem, whenever possible all control and adjusting screws should be turned all the way.
2) After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a major emergency place an urgent call for service. Friday afternoons are best, but anytime after 4:00 P.M. is O.K.
3) Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what is wrong. Suggestions on how to fix the machine will be welcomed by the service man.
4) Hide the manual that came with the machine, claim no manual was ever received. Make several references to the service man that was here for exactly the same problem last time.
5) Have at least three graduate engineers available to ask highly technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem. Non English speaking is preferred but any strong accents are acceptable.
6) The minute the service man arrives, ask what caused the delay. Make it clear that he was to arrive two days ago (regardless of when the request was made). Before he can answer, ask him when the machine will be back in service.
7) The machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible. A mixture of used motor oil and pencil sharpener shavings works well. If the machine has electrical components, add staples or paper clips.
8) Assign someone to supervise the repair. Anyone who has never seen or operated the machine would be preferable. Poor hygiene and dental habits are a big plus.
9) Ask again when the machine will be ready.
10) Be sure the lights are off in the area where the machine is installed, a good service man can fix the machine blindfolded.
11) Ask if the machine is ready yet. If the service man is looking at a schematic diagram, ask him if he knows what he is doing.
12) When the repair is completed, tell the service man he did a swell job. Tell him that the job should be swell, it took long enough.
13) Try to talk the service man down on the bill, they are very fond of negotiating. Remind him big companies make too much money anyway.
14) After the service man is gone, call his boss and tell him the machine is now worse than it was before. Follow up with a letter and send a copy to the companies’ home office.