Tell me a joke.....

[59billy]

The doctor told me to bring in a stool sample, but a bouncer stopped me from taking one.

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Wilhelm]

View attachment 479667
Philbert

And if You are a female the savings on TP will tenfold that!

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Junk Meister]

Anybody else remember the book title jokes of the 1960s and '70s? Now and then they emerge from the back of my brain. Here are a couple to get the ball rolling:

The Tomcat's Revenge by Claude Balls.

Under the Grandstand by Seymore Butts.

Antlers in the Treetops by Hu Goosta Moose

Who Goosed da Moose By Ivan Dot Dunnit

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

So, guys, how do you stop a mad bull from charging?

ans. Don't let him use his credit cards.

 

[EFSM]

 

[Wood Doctor]

What do you call a paper airplane that nobody has been able to fly?

ans. From day one, it's always been stationary.

 

[Philbert]

Somewhere near Pennsylvania . . .



Philbert

 

[Jay Hansen]

Somewhere near Pennsylvania . . .

View attachment 481384

Philbert

It took me a minute. I kept trying to make it political, then I remembered the calendar.

 

[Wood Doctor]

What did the Sugar Maple Leaf say to the Oak leaf last fall?

ans. I'm afraid I'm blushing, turning almost red, and falling for you.

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

A flight is on its way to Paris when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”. The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”. He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, “First class isn’t going to Paris “

 

[Wood Doctor]

This one is a goodie also:

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me."

The brunette took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken."

 

[Junk Meister]

A flight is on its way to Paris when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”. The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”. He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, “First class isn’t going to Paris “

I read this to my WIFEY and she just had the STAREZITS. She is not nor never been Blonde.. She had just sat up from her morning nap. I Checked her sugar(Glucose) then got her some OJ.
I'll read it to her again later today.
I thought the joke had a lot of "CLASS"

 

[Wilhelm]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice.
She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!"
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?"
The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."

 

[Wilhelm]

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"
The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

 

[Wilhelm]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
The next day, they all leave right after the boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!
She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"