Tell me a joke.....

[Wood Doctor]

Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

She obtained a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and an elementary school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said. "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chrysler sedans, voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.

She starts work in the morning.

 

[Motorhead]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[Wood Doctor]

View attachment 138276

Well, at least we know they were not identical twins. Nowadays a lot of girls are named Bob and some guys are named Jill. Their parents are sometimes the same sex.

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wood Doctor]

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a cliff. Ten were men and one woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the woman gave a real touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men clapped!

Never underestimate the power of a woman.

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[Wood Doctor]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks.
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psstttt... I almost bought a Harley in 1997, but I already had a neat chick on board.

 

[angelo c]

The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."
"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."



Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran was beautiful and prosperous, happy people were celebrating in the streets, and big banners were hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.

"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]