No! What the hell have I done.

[Steve]

It was you!!! You caused me all the problems!!!

Damn straight!

 

[bretts]

Hello guys and gals! Well this is just down right embarrassing! Now that I have returned to earth, let me start out by saying this.

Hello my name is Cody. I am sorry for how I have acted on this site over the past week. Believe it or not, I've been 2 sheets to the wind for what my father says has been a month straight. I thought I only had a problem with drugs but I guess as I've recently discovered alcohol is a problem as well.

It started when I had to remove my father's dog off the street that we live on. It constantly has big rigs hauling hay,logs or corn and a whole lot of ass. I felt and still feel as if his death is because of me. Watching my father fall to his knees crying as I walked up the driveway with his dog in my arms, caused my mental state to completely change.

I have never seen that man shed a single tear! even with the medical problems he has that is grocery lists long. It was like a song set on repeat in my mind. It caused me to hit the bottle.

My last post that I made was the last night of this beinge drinking. That night my cat had passed away which made me drink even more. I completely blackout and apparently took the keys to my mother's car and drove it through our plastic fencing. Luckily that's where to car stopped and the ground right next to it is where I stopped.

To anyone that I may have frustrated with my ramblings I apologize. This isn't meant to be an excuse for my actions just an explanation. All I can do is say sorry. To anyone that my drunken ramblings made laugh I say, I'm glad to be of service

I've learned Mental health medication and alcohol don't mix. Or atlease for me they dont. After coming back to relativity. I walked out to my shop with my father following me. as soon as i open the door i notice something big and orange on my bench. I turned to my father and said, who's 372 is that? I thought someone dropped it off for me to repair or port. My father responded that's your saw. This pissed me off a little, I said why the hell did you get me a present! What the hell good have I done to deserve something like that? Apparently I've had it for 2 weeks.

I have been wanting a real one since I got that holzfforma version. I guess I got my wishSome of you helped me figure things out on it. I don't recall it but I thank you.

As I've gone back through all my posts trying to puzzle what had happened throughout this month. I noticed someone said I wanted to stir the pot or something!?!? as in cause drama amongst people on this site. I don't know if that is what I was trying to do. but I can tell you this that is not my intention.

To finish this post off, I hope that there is a way to hit reset within this community. I hadn't even planned on creating a account for a while. I guess shyness or something was holding me back. The things I said about my past like being anti social and the drug use is all true. From what I reread I didn't lie about anything.

Again I'm sorry.

How are you getting on buddy?
I guess I am lucky I am not afflicted with addiction (unless that addiction includes chainsaws? lol).
My cousin used to drink up to 12 bottles of beer every night until he took seriously ill and was hospitalized and died on the operating table but the doctors managed to bring him back. His pancreas gave up and he took a long time to recover (still hasn't fully) and he had to wear a bag with lines going into his side for a long while.
I know a guy who's son when he drinks he gets into fights, nice guy when he is sober and he says he knows he shouldn't drink so keeps himself busy so he doesn't think about drinking.
I have had the black dog before, the first bout was when I was 15 and I dug a shallow grave for myself, the last bout years and years ago almost caused me to ......, the rope was there, the beam in my workshop was there....
We men should be able to talk about our stuff, when I was growing up it was men don't cry and just get on with it.
It's a good group here, a lot of fine folk and we have a shared interest.

 

[Eduardo K]

Having the disease is not a sin. The sin is knowing you have it and not treating it.
Go to a meeting, get involved, and stay clean and sober one day at a time. It works but you have to be willing to work and change.
Good luck and god bless.

 

[pbillyi69]

being clean sober seems so hard when you first realize that you are out of control......but after some practice being sober and not doing drugs it gets easier to stay that way. the hard part is not the stopping. its stopping and not working on changing ourselves. the true gift of being recovered from drugs and alcohol is the opportunity to change into a more authentic version of myself.

 

[Mastermind]

eing clean sober seems so hard when you first realize that you are out of control......but after some practice being sober and not doing drugs it gets easier to stay that way. the hard part is not the stopping. its stopping and not working on changing ourselves. the true gift of being recovered from drugs and alcohol is the opportunity to change into a more authentic version of myself.

Well said.

 

[pbillyi69]

Well said.

thank you

 

[Jscb1b]

AA says one day at a time. Sometimes it is 5 minutes at a time. When I got out of rehab, I went home and started working on my woodpile. I was at it for 15 20 minutes and shut the saw down. I reached for a beer that was not there. I did not know what to do. I was lost. I went in my room and prayed. GOD has a plan for me. I don't know what it is, but I know he has a plan for me. And you! Pm if you need to.

 

[TheWizard]

Things will get better man, its in your hands and you already know there is a problem and made a positive move to change, so hang in there I'm sure there are plenty of caring folk here to point you in the right direction. Good luck