Tell me a joke.....

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Mack 880]

Three guys died and met at the pearly gates:

St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will
depend on your answer."

The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How
long were you married?"
The first guy says, "24 years."
"Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy
said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to
drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same question from
Peter.

The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated
on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked
it out good."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."

The 3rd guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're
going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look
at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"

A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto
saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk.
When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he
said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"

 

[Mack 880]

​

Construction Foreman is interviewing guys for a job opening:

He asks the first guy, "Can you take this hammer, throw it in the air, and catch it in your tool belt?"

The first guy says "I sure can!" and tosses the hammer 6 feet in the air. He catches it behind him right in his tool belt.

The foreman nods his head, and says to the second guy, "Can you throw this screwdriver and get it to stick in the ground at a perfect 45 degree angle?"

"You bet I can!" says the second guy, and with a flick of the wrist he throws the screwdriver, piercing it into the ground, sticking out at a perfect 45 degree angle.

The foreman nods his head and says to the third guy, "Alright, what about you? Can you shoot a nail gun from here and break that coke bottle sitting on the fence post?"

"Of course I can," says the third guy as he takes the nail gun from his tool belt and fires at the coke bottle. The nail hits dead center shattering the bottle to pieces.

And the foreman says, "That's all very impressive, fellas, but I already have a dozen guys who do that crap all day. Do any of you know anybody who knows how to work?"

 

[Bill G]

 

[Bill G]

 

[jakethesnake]

View attachment 451595

I think I can still go cursive. It might take a few to get used to it. I know checks were supposed to be made out in cursive and I don’t write the dollar amount in cursive any more

 

[Philbert]

Philbert

 

[Bill G]

I think I can still go cursive. It might take a few to get used to it. I know checks were supposed to be made out in cursive and I don’t write the dollar amount in cursive any more

The love of my life never could write cursive past the 2nd grade.
I never faulted her....
I can read it
I can write it'
I cannot read what-da-hell I wrote though............

TIMES NEW ROMAN dammit!!