The Shot Heard Around The World

[Brush Ape]

My Dad was a TV addict. He started out in 1949 with Grandpa a WWII vet, Grandma fresh off the turnip truck, cows to milk and eggs to gather etc. They didn’t have electricity and didn’t need it. They gradually got all that stuff including a TV around the late 50’s. Dad and all his younger siblings were hooked. Once I read the stack of letters my Great Grandma and my Aunts sent him while he was in Vietnam and they always told him everything that had happened on The Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan’s Island that week. I suppose it is pretty captivating to any new baby to see that magic box but was probably even more amazing if you grew up without it.
Mom said when Dad took her out on her first date in a 1950 Plymouth, he picked her up then drove straight to a laundry mat and parked there so he could watch TV through the window. I’m sure she was all dolled up and was madder than hell.
It was almost never not on. American Bandstand, Archie Bunker, SWAT. Mom had to watch it all the time too. Boxing, wrestling, Wide World of Sports...,always on.
I just got burned out on that. Never watched TV again after probably 1985. I think Batman around ‘89 was the last good movie or Wayne's World. Saw those either at the drive-in or theater. After that, active pursuits were it for me.
A good play is different though. The audience is part of the show really. Like a concert or a MLB game, the crowd is a big part of the experience. I saw a guy gettin the piss knocked out of him by the cops at a Cardimals’ game after a double header with the Reds in ‘77. About ‘81 versus the Braves, my little brother kicked Fred Bird the mascot in the nuts when Fred grabbed him and tried to put his head in his mouth on the first base dugout. You don’t see that side of it on TV. My Dad kicked the snot out of some drunk that spilled beer on my Mom at the Prairie Capitol Convention Center when the WWF was in town. Jake the Snake and Rick Rude and the ref were leaning on the ropes watching the fight till the bouncers dragged that limp dude out of there amd brought my Dad a beer. He could move for a 300 pounder. Hit you like a hammer.
A buddy of mine also named Keith and a girl who was always hanging around us named Robin got some tickets to a school play one winter at a nearby high school in a town of about 500. Aunt Tillie Goes to Town. Don’t remember what it was about but we’d been eating chili and drinking Stag for hours. Robin drove us there snd was babysitting Keith and me.
The play was in the gym with the lights out and the whole one side of the bleacher was packed. We were sitting in the top row all the way to the back. Toward the end of the play, the main character just locked up. Forgot her lines completely and just looked like a deer in the headlights for at least thirty seconds. She was about to cry and trust me you could have heard a pin drop in there too.
So I hiked up my leg and ripped the biggest ass chili with beans and G. Heileman fart you ever heard. It rocked those plastic fold out bleachers like a sulfuric-powered hemi with all four secondaries dumpin’ into the intake. Pedal to the metal. Trust me everyone heard it. You could see the flashing red led’s on the video cameras swiveling around to get a shot of what was happening in the dark. The play stopped dead in their tracks and if you weren’t snickering, you were bent over howling in pain. It was great. Really broke the ice. So I turn and go, “Robin”!!!
She didn’t speak to me for a couple of years but guys that was one HELL of a fart.

 

[USMC615]

My Dad was a TV addict. He started out in 1949 with Grandpa a WWII vet, Grandma fresh off the turnip truck, cows to milk and eggs to gather etc. They didn’t have electricity and didn’t need it. They gradually got all that stuff including a TV around the late 50’s. Dad and all his younger siblings were hooked. Once I read the stack of letters my Great Grandma and my Aunts sent him while he was in Vietnam and they always told him everything that had happened on The Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan’s Island that week. I suppose it is pretty captivating to any new baby to see that magic box but was probably even more amazing if you grew up without it.
Mom said when Dad took her out on her first date in a 1950 Plymouth, he picked her up then drove straight to a laundry mat and parked there so he could watch TV through the window. I’m sure she was all dolled up and was madder than hell.
It was almost never not on. American Bandstand, Archie Bunker, SWAT. Mom had to watch it all the time too. Boxing, wrestling, Wide World of Sports...,always on.
I just got burned out on that. Never watched TV again after probably 1985. I think Batman around ‘89 was the last good movie or Wayne's World. Saw those either at the drive-in or theater. After that, active pursuits were it for me.
A good play is different though. The audience is part of the show really. Like a concert or a MLB game, the crowd is a big part of the experience. I saw a guy gettin the piss knocked out of him by the cops at a Cardimals’ game after a double header with the Reds in ‘77. About ‘81 versus the Braves, my little brother kicked Fred Bird the mascot in the nuts when Fred grabbed him and tried to put his head in his mouth on the first base dugout. You don’t see that side of it on TV. My Dad kicked the snot out of some drunk that spilled beer on my Mom at the Prairie Capitol Convention Center when the WWF was in town. Jake the Snake and Rick Rude and the ref were leaning on the ropes watching the fight till the bouncers dragged that limp dude out of there amd brought my Dad a beer. He could move for a 300 pounder. Hit you like a hammer.
A buddy of mine also named Keith and a girl who was always hanging around us named Robin got some tickets to a school play one winter at a nearby high school in a town of about 500. Aunt Tillie Goes to Town. Don’t remember what it was about but we’d been eating chili and drinking Stag for hours. Robin drove us there snd was babysitting Keith and me.
The play was in the gym with the lights out and the whole one side of the bleacher was packed. We were sitting in the top row all the way to the back. Toward the end of the play, the main character just locked up. Forgot her lines completely and just looked like a deer in the headlights for at least thirty seconds. She was about to cry and trust me you could have heard a pin drop in there too.
So I hiked up my leg and ripped the biggest ass chili with beans and G. Heileman fart you ever heard. It rocked those plastic fold out bleachers like a sulfuric-powered hemi with all four secondaries dumpin’ into the intake. Pedal to the metal. Trust me everyone heard it. You could see the flashing red led’s on the video cameras swiveling around to get a shot of what was happening in the dark. The play stopped dead in their tracks and if you weren’t snickering, you were bent over howling in pain. It was great. Really broke the ice. So I turn and go, “Robin”!!!
She didn’t speak to me for a couple of years but guys that was one HELL of a fart.

Funny *s-wordt!

 

[kingOFgEEEks]

More like the shart heard round the world.

 

[Mastermind]

Repped

 

[TreeLife]

Turrible lol

 

[Brush Ape]

More like the shart heard round the world.

Haha. For shart.

Repped

You can do do too many reps of that. One more woulda blown some boxers.

 

[Brush Ape]

I stand corrected too. I was taking the ACT test the day of the WWF in Springfield that day down in Vandalia. My brother said Jake Roberts was wrestling Koko B. Ware when my Dad clocked that guy for spilling his beer on my Mom then called Dad fat. If you called my Dad fat or called him a baby, be prepared to brawl.

 

[Brush Ape]

Coincidently, that WWF show in Springfield was the very first day Ravishing Rick Rude launched his gimmick where they’d select a cute chick from the crowd for him to make out with til she passed out. 1980’s decade of excess be assured of that.

 

[FergusonTO35]

I know exactly what that smelled like, unfortunately. I had a college friend who was, shall we say, a professional student and lived on beer and fast food.