The "I work with dumb people" thread

[redline4]

So I know that many people who are not self employed always say they work with some of the dumbest people on the planet.
I figured it would be fun to tell their stories...

I am a tech at a GM dealership. Our used car manager has a cabin on a lake further north in Wisconsin. He has owned it for 15+ years, so he knows the area, locals and such.
He came into work telling a story to everyone who would listen how he went up to his cabin, pulled in the drive and found a dead deer in his yard.
Now, he tells the deer had been shot with a bow, and was still warm.

The way I see it, he had a multitude of options at this point.
1, do nothing, wait and see if the hunter who shot it tracks it down.
2, begin to backtrack the deer and see if he can stumble upon said hunter.
3, not legal without a tag, but gut it, hang it, skin it and cook up some backstraps.
4, visit the local watering holes, etc. and ask about if anyone had been hunting and shot a doe they could not locate.
I am sure there are even more options here, but what did he do?

Well, he panicked because dead deer are "icky" and called 911.
Yes. He called 911 and reported a dead deer in his yard.

At this point, I asked the only thing that came to mind "Were you farkin stoned?" and turned and walked away.

 

[USMC615]

I work with hundreds of people between three hangars that we house ten C-17's under hangar roofs at all times...another four/five C-17's are worked outside the hangars in the open. Some of these idiots can't even spell 'airplane' much less work on one without someone holding their damn hand every step of the way. Where in the hell DoD found some of these fools is beyond me. And my patience runs thin every day!

 

[Dub11]

The owners jock son was working the summer at the print shop and asked for a cross shaped drill bit once.

Now he is in sales.

 

[Dub11]

Another day I come in to work and find the floor scraper here.

 

[redline4]

The cord keeps it from slipping and falling down, creating a tripping hazard.
Yeah, thats it.

 

[Dub11]

Cross shaped drill bit.

 

[Chainsaw Addict]

Cross shaped drill bit.
View attachment 148457

My wife calls that a "positive" screwdriver. A straight tip is a "negative"

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[Dub11]

And we got the new material/ wearhouse guy trying to play domino rally with $50000 worth of material.

 

[Wolverine]

Wayne, have you ever sent someone for the paper/envelope stretcher? How bout halftone dots? Spark plugs for the press?

 

[Wolverine]

Here's a good one. When the press isn't running, get the new guy up on a unit and show them how hot the ink gets. When they put there hand over the ink to feel it, slap it!

 

[Dub11]

Wayne, have you ever sent someone for the paper/envelope stretcher? How bout halftone dots? Spark plugs for the press?

Yes we have the paper stretcher and a sky hook. And I haven't heard of the heat test, I like it. And I had someone believe me once when I said we have to jump start the press.

 

[redline4]

A few years ago, one of our parts guys was going on a fishing trip to Alaska.
My service manager, who is early 60's I believe, and dumb as a post (he's a yes man, hence the managerial role) asked if they exchange his money there or if he has to do it before he leaves.
He firmly believed Alaska does not use American currency as it's part of "Canadian" as he calls it.

 

[Ronaldo]

Wayne, have you ever sent someone for the paper/envelope stretcher? How bout halftone dots? Spark plugs for the press?

Have sent new employees to the tool crib for more plasma......claiming the plasma cutter ran out.

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[MarkEagleUSA]

Have sent new employees to the tool crib for more plasma......claiming the plasma cutter ran out.

We send newbies to the basement (don't have one) for buckets of steam (don't use any). Actually had one walk into the GM's office and ask him how to get to the basement! Had a woman one time question whether she could carry the bucket up the stairs!

 

[redline4]

Not a coworker, but happened at work.

Had a Chevy Cobalt towed in a while back. Car would crank but not start.
Spark, check. Fuel pressure, check.
Timing, check. Compression, bottom end of spec, but should run.
Took a fuel sample. It was water. Not a mix, pretty much straight water. Guage was near empty.
Turns out she ran out of fuel. Had read on the internet how you could use water in an emergency to get you back home..
I guess that explained the 10 or so empty water bottles laying on the passenger side floor.

 

[bigbadbob]

I got a SOS call for a no start on a car,, person was pretty upset,, I put it in park and off it went,,,
A few years later did the same for my bros EX

 

[old guy]

At the aircraft plant we would send em for a spool of flight line or a bucket of tinted propwash.

 

[Wolverine]

At the aircraft plant we would send em for a spool of flight line or a bucket of tinted propwash.

 

[dahmer]

When I ran the NDT we would send the new guy to the tool crib for “descaling acid”. He goes to the crib and the tool crib guy makes the newbie put on long rubber raincoat, rubber rain hat, rubber gloves with ends taped shut, rubber knee high boots, goggles AND face shield. Then tool guy goes in back and comes out carrying a “bubbling” beaker of “acid” held in long tongs. Tells the newbie to be very careful. Walks back probably needing new underwear. Gets to my mag booth and I grab the beaker and drink it. His eyes go big as dinner plates then he goes right to pizzed. It was alka seltzer. He looks around and guys are almost rolling on the floor laughing

 

[dahmer]

Ok, one more. New guys always clean out the grinders, I’m talking precision big grinders. Guy pumps out all the stinking water into a big dump hopper then shovels all the swarf, grinding sludge, into the hopper then get the fork truck to take the hopper and dump it. When he gets to the door he jumps off fork truck to open door. When he gets back to the fork truck it’s shut off and no key in ignition. Tell him it’s an initiation ritual with new guys. Hand him a big magnet attached to a piece of cord and tell him that the key got thrown in the hopper, he has to fish it out with the magnet. In goes the magnet and all that microscopic steel sludge is stuck to the magnet along with al that foul smelling water. Feel thru all the sludge on the magnet, no key, throw it back in and keep fishing. In about 15 minutes the smart ones usually realize that keys are brass and that magnet won’t do chit. I think the dumbest one was there for 2 1/2 hours. Had to give him credit for persistence.