Tell me a joke.....

[Dub11]

 

[Wood Doctor]

A Midwestern phone company was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said: “Here’s what we’ll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job.”

Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. The two islanders said that it was tough going, but they’d dropped in twelve.

Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, “Well, how many poles did you guys install?”

Ole, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed, “Sven and me, we got three in.”

The boss gasped, “Three? That’s all? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!”

“Yeah,” said Ole, “but you should see how much they left stickin’ out of the ground.”

 

[Dub11]

 

[Dub11]

TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

 

[fossil]

 

[P.M.P.]

Why do folks frawum tennessee go ta thay ...err mowvie theatuurr in groups av 18 aw mawe?

 

[P.M.P.]

.

 

[P.M.P.]

17 ayn' unduurr are nahwt admitted

 

[P.M.P.]

What is thay ...uhh cheapest type ov meat?

 

[P.M.P.]

...

 

[P.M.P.]

Deuurr balls there unduurr ayy buk...

 

[birdmeter]

lol

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[stihl livin]

View attachment 195474

@USMC615

Jason does this really work

 

[USMC615]

@USMC615

Jason does this really work

Lol!

 

[Motorhead]

 

[merc_man]

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

 

[merc_man]

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk