Tell me a joke.....

[merc_man]

The definition of fishing= one jerk on the end of a line waiting for another jerk

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

 

[N8TE]

 

[ucm931]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[ucm931]

 

[ucm931]

 

[Wood Doctor]

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother.

“It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him and they pinned him down.”

 

[Philbert]

Oscar Levant: "I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin."

Philbert

 

[Wood Doctor]

A Nebraskan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced “a typical Nebraska baby boy weighing 25 pounds.”

Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of ”Wow!” are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say you’re the father of the typical Nebraska baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers 20 pounds. The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “Why? What happened? He weighed 25 pounds at birth.”

The Nebraska father takes a slow swig from his local-brewed Husker lager, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

 

[merc_man]

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Dub11]

View attachment 182086

I don't see any bacon

 

[Wood Doctor]

Q. Why do men become smarter during sex?
A. (because they are plugged into a genius)

Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. (they don’t have enough time)

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. (they won’t stop to ask directions)

Q. Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A. (because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock)

Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. (so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties)

Q. Why did god make men before women?
A. (you need a rough draft before you make the final copy)

Q. How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
A. (don’t know... It never happened.)

Q. Why did God put men on earth?
A. (because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn or split wood)

Q. Why do men tell blonde jokes?
A. (because they can easily understand them and...)

 

[ucm931]

Loose balljoint.......

 

[dahmer]

If there’s a chance you could be lost in the wilderness or a natural disaster is headed your way, fill your pockets with hot dogs and cheese. The rescue search dogs will find you first.

 

[dahmer]

Boobs are like beer and soda, nobody likes them flat.

 

[Wood Doctor]

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.”

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

“What in the world are you doing?” he asked. “This is my love dress,” she replied.

“Needs ironing. What’s for supper?”

 

[merc_man]

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk