Tell me a joke.....

[Wood Doctor]

The things kids say about love and marriage...

Q: How do you decide who to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. Kirsten, age 10

Q: What is the right age to get married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you have to know the person forever by then. Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 8

Q: Is it better to be single or married?
I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. Theodore, age 9

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9

 

[Wood Doctor]

A blonde pushes her vintage Pontiac into a gas station. She tells the mechanic that the engine dies now and then. He works on it for a few minutes, and now it’s idling smoothly.

She asks, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

Then she asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

 

[Motorhead]

 

[dahmer]

View attachment 171897

Laughing so hard it was tough hitting the like button.

 

[Wood Doctor]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and
he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

 

[Wood Doctor]

Study the Pic below and take this short test:

And the monkey is looking at...

 

[066 redeye]

Monkey??

 

[JohnnyBlade]

 

[Dub11]

View attachment 175029

So how long did you wait?

 

[JohnnyBlade]

FLMAO! Still twitchin

 

[Wood Doctor]

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. ”So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens for that,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

 

[Wood Doctor]

A contestant, Sally, on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And. as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?"

Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well, blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy, Sally. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

Sally had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And, considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

"I need an answer," said Meredith.

Crossing her fingers, Sally said, "C: The cuckoo."

'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes, that is my final answer.’

And Meredith replied, "That answer is.... Absolutely correct! Sally, you are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Joni, I just do not know how to thank you," said Sally. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"'Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

Sally fainted.

 

[Wood Doctor]

 

[Philbert]

Older couple is laying in bed. Husband asks his wife, "Am I the only one you ever had?"

Wife says, "Yes, you are the only one I ever had."

She pauses and adds, "Most of the other guys were at least a 7 or an 8!"

Philbert

 

[Yukon Stihl]

An Indian Tribe captured a Sheriff and true to their traditions they tell him that he has 3 days to live and gets a wish each day.
So they ask what his first wish is? he asks to speak to his horse.So they take him out to his horse and he whispers in his ear and his horse races off.A few hours later the horse comes back with a beautiful black haired women and stops at the teepee she gets off and into the teepee she goes.
The next day the Chief asks what the second wish would be. Again the sheriff asks to speak to his horse,the horse races away...
A few hours later the horse is back with a naked blonde who jumps off the horse and runs into the teepee where the sheriff is.
The Chief thinks that he needs a horse like that...
Day 3 rolls around and the chief asks the sheriff what his third wish is and without any surprise he asks to speak to his horse...
Except this time he grabs the horse by the face and yells at him
P O S S E I said bring back a POSSE.

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Motorhead]

 

[merc_man]

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

 

[Motorhead]