Tell me a joke.....

[merc_man]

I like my coffee like I like my women;

Ground up and in the freezer

Kinda creepy

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[oologahan]

 

[usmcbuckwild]

Kinda creepy

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[oologahan]

You know that in Roman times they had public bathrooms, but no TP. You literally wiped your ass with a rag wrapped on a stick. The rag end of the stick sat in a bucket of water between use, but I guarantee you that everyone got the *s-wordty end of that stick.

References :
https://www.cienciahistorica.com/articles-in-english/romans-wiped-butts/

http://flushtoiletblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-romans-wiped-history-of-toilet.html?m=1

Not exactly right, it as a sponge the sponge was rinsed off by passing water supplied by an aqueduct and then drained into a wastewater lagoon. Their plumbing system wasn't that far off from ours nowadays and much better than we had in the 19th century

 

[Ryan Browne]

Kinda creepy

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Yeah, that one is funny, but you gotta read the crowd...

 

[Wood Doctor]

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin -- no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

 

[Motorhead]

 

[usmcbuckwild]

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[Wood Doctor]

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and blabbed to several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home...and left it there all night.

You gotta love George!

 

[Wood Doctor]

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation, and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

The bartender smiled and said, "Every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out for a few seconds. Now, how about that drink?"

 

[jakethesnake]

Good one

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[Wood Doctor]

View attachment 111273

Great pun, but an airline company smashed the lens on my favorite digital camera after opening my suitcase during a routine search. I guess the camera instructions forgot to say, "Handle with Care."

They lost the case also.

 

[usmcbuckwild]

 

[usmcbuckwild]

Oh wait.... there’s more!

 

[usmcbuckwild]

 

[Wood Doctor]

A guy from North Carolina drives up to a bar in Arkansas in a pewter truck, walks inside and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from North Carolina."

The bartender says, "What do you do in North Carolina?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I drive a police car and mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us!"

 

[ajschainsaws]

 

[ajschainsaws]