Tell me a joke.....

[Cracker Boy]

 

[Cracker Boy]

 

[Cracker Boy]

Guy comes over to farmers house to take his daughter out with no legs. Farmer says i want her back home by 11 pm son. Guy says yes sir i sure will. Then they go to back of pasture. He says i aint never had sex with a girl with no legs. She said pick me up and i will hang from this oak tree lumb and get on top.Boy says o.k. when he took her home and thanked the farmer for letting him take her out the old farmer says i wanna thank you. The guy says whys that sir. The farmer said everyone else that takes her out leaves her in the oak tree hanging and i gotta get her and bring her home.

 

[mnsam]

Husband asks his wife, "What do you want for Christmas"?
She replies, "A divorce".
Husband says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much".

 

[Stihl working Hard]

There’s an Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman in a bar just before Christmas and the bar manager says if you can show something from your pocket that relates to Christmas I will buy you a beer.The Englishman replies I have been gardening and I have grass in my pocket this resembles mistletoe ,and the bar manager says that’s good you can have a beer.The Scotsman says I have a cigarette lighter this resembles Christmas lights and the bar manager says that’s good you can have a beer.The Irishman reaches into his pocket and pulls out some panties and the bar manager says what is that you have there and he replied these are carols.

 

[angelo c]

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins.


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."


"That's right Susie, you can go home."


Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Ava says, "Martin Luther King."


"That's right Ava, you can go."


Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."


"That's right Nancy, you may also leave."


The teacher turns her back. Johnny yells in frustration, "I wish those dumb *b-wordes would keep their f*%$#@ mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around; she is livid and yells: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!"


Johnny replies: "Harvey Weinstein. I'll see you tomorrow!"

 

[Philbert]

"Yesterday I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots....

I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.

Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it."

Philbert

 

[Locust Cutter]

LMAO

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Frank bierce]

 

[nohoff]

 

[angelo c]

In 1923, Who Was:


1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.


The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab, Died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson, Went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney, Was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger, Died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
The Bank of International Settlement, Shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore, Also committed suicide

However,
In that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, The US Open, was Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral: F--k work.
Play golf.

 

[Motorhead]

 

[Wolverine]

https://scontent.slackerc1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26196246_1939710456293915_6254455369250967806_n.jpg?oh=b09e2238b28bd8dcad6d0c4485b6891b&oe=5AC2804D

 

[Cracker Boy]

 

[Cracker Boy]

saw this while droppin a duecethought wtf. This would be like gettin the *s-wordty end of a stick

 

[Derf]

View attachment 105170 saw this while droppin a duecethought wtf. This would be like gettin the *s-wordty end of a stick

You know that in Roman times they had public bathrooms, but no TP. You literally wiped your ass with a rag wrapped on a stick. The rag end of the stick sat in a bucket of water between use, but I guarantee you that everyone got the *s-wordty end of that stick.

References :
https://www.cienciahistorica.com/articles-in-english/romans-wiped-butts/

http://flushtoiletblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-romans-wiped-history-of-toilet.html?m=1

 

[Cracker Boy]

You know that in Roman times they had public bathrooms, but no TP. You literally wiped your ass with a rag wrapped on a stick. The rag end of the stick sat in a bucket of water between use, but I guarantee you that everyone got the *s-wordty end of that stick.

References :
https://www.cienciahistorica.com/articles-in-english/romans-wiped-butts/

http://flushtoiletblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-romans-wiped-history-of-toilet.html?m=1

Didbt know that but do know thats were a lot of names and quotes came from like scum bag d bag high on the hog etc etc

 

[Derf]

 

[Derf]