Child discipline

exSW · Nov 25, 2016

I know people need to share to get past things. They also need to share to grow. We all know about whuppins',corners,privileges revoked and so on. I'm looking for the things that worked because it was different.
My son was allowed no toy firearms growing up. Just like me and my brother,Dad and Uncles. We were told they taught bad habits. Someone got my son one anyway when he was about four. He pointed it at me and said Bang. Instantly crushed under my foot. He has never forgotten.

paragonbuilder · Nov 25, 2016

I have no children myself. I was one of 6. Oldest son. My father says it was hard because what worked for one doesn't for another.
He experimented a bit, when we were little he would make us hold D batteries above our head, then progressed to straight out in front. I thought it was funny at first, "tough guy", but damn did they get heavy.
If my mom said wait til dad gets home, he handled it great imo.
He would come home, they would talk, we would have dinner, do chores. Then he would say go get the spanking stick. Almost never did he hit us angry.
Disrespect my mom, or another adult in front of him though, immediate backhand to the cheek. And if you ducked, he made me stand there and take round 2.
Threw a rock at a car once... Lady stopped and told my dad, worst whooping I ever got, pull down pants, bend over the couch, and the belt! Owwie!!
And as a teenager he jacked me up against the wall once, I had never seen him do that, scared the *s-word out of me...

stihl_head1982 · Nov 25, 2016

Motorhead said:
Whatever you come up with to discipline a child,don't forget to come up with a way to show them that you love them also.

Never in anger, always in love. Even after the private time of discipline we always told our kids we loved them. We made sure they understood what they did was wrong and WHY it was wrong. (Flying off the handle and picking up the nearest thing to flail them only generates anger and bitterness from the child.) Thus we would have a private meeting behind closed doors, a personal conversation about the issue at hand, the time of corporeal punishment, kind words of love and reassurance and a hug. Then letting them have some time to "cry it out" if need be. But ALWAYS reassuring them you love them.

huskihl · Nov 25, 2016

exSW said:
I know people need to share to get past things. They also need to share to grow. We all know about whuppins',corners,privileges revoked and so on. I'm looking for the things that worked because it was different.
My son was allowed no toy firearms growing up. Just like me and my brother,Dad and Uncles. We were told they taught bad habits. Someone got my son one anyway when he was about four. He pointed it at me and said Bang. Instantly crushed under my foot. He has never forgotten.

Your story of your son proved your parents' actions were generalized. You respect guns because you weren't allowed to have them growing up. IMO, your son respects them because of your actions. The problem in today's society, is that most parents are too busy on their GD phone to crush the gun

Mastermind · Nov 25, 2016

One of my pet peeves is complete honesty. I tell my grandkids to allows tell the truth. No matter how bad it is, lying about it just makes it worse.

I did have my daughter lie to me once. Over her smoking. Once I caught her in that lie, I sorta rubbed it in for a good long while. She would tell me something, and my reply might be "I sure wish I could believe you, but...."

I also took the time to explain to her how trust is a sacred bond, that should be cherished, not betrayed.

I don't think she ever lied to me again....and I trust her completely in everything.

Deets066 · Nov 25, 2016

When me and my brother were young we fought quite a bit. One time, my mom made us go to our bedroom and she comes in shortly with two metal baseball bats. She tells us.. don't come out until you've throughly beat each other with the bats, and she left.

Couldn't do it, came out not fighting

Redfin · Nov 25, 2016

Not cleaning thier rooms have ended in every drawer and item in closet in a pile on the floor.

Ill let a fair bit of back and forth arguing between my teanagers but if I hear it becoming redundant and escalating out of hand those two have been sent to thier rooms to write several page letters to each other to say what they were trying to get across. Normally ends up with realizing the argument was unnessecary.

Im kind of ocd about my house. Everything has its place. Thier rooms they can do what they want but if they leave crap laying around the house it has ended in the yard. When they were little they have also collected thier own toys and clothes and bagged them and we have taken them to donate to church organizations. Just to show them if they cant take care of thier stuff someone else would love to have it.

Homework wasnt done, the weekend is a good time to copy pages from an encyclopedia instead of being out with friends playing.

Dont want to listen and clean your own dishes welp you can just clean everyones for the week.

Mastermind · Nov 25, 2016

Redfin said:
Im kind of ocd about my house.

I'm the complete opposite. lol

pa-aaronq · Nov 25, 2016

exSW said:
I know people need to share to get past things. They also need to share to grow. We all know about whuppins',corners,privileges revoked and so on. I'm looking for the things that worked because it was different.
My son was allowed no toy firearms growing up. Just like me and my brother,Dad and Uncles. We were told they taught bad habits. Someone got my son one anyway when he was about four. He pointed it at me and said Bang. Instantly crushed under my foot. He has never forgotten.

I read books about parenting and all of them have a common thread. Quantity parenting is better than quality parenting. It places most importantly that dads should be spending lots of time with their kids and not just minutes a day. My hope is to turn my kid into a functioning adult that can make intelligent decision on his own.

exSW · Nov 25, 2016

pa-aaronq said:
I read books about parenting and all of them have a common thread. Quantity parenting is better than quality parenting. It places most importantly that dads should be spending lots of time with their kids and not just minutes a day. My hope is to turn my kid into a functioning adult that can make intelligent decision on his own.

Right. I always tell people you're not raising kids. The end result is supposed to be an adult.

I have to admit I didn't spent the volume of time I'd like to have.

Stump Shot · Nov 25, 2016

When I was around seven years of age my Dad's brother bought me a pellet rifle for my birthday. To my Father, it was just a BB gun to get in trouble with and really did not want me to have it. He could also see how much I liked it, so let me keep it. He just one upped the whole affair by giving me a .410 shotgun and took me out hunting with it. It was made perfectly clear that if there was one spec of rust or a dirty bore or any thing not like he said it should be, that would be the end of any gun/hunting for me. I was an amateur gunsmith in no time flat. So in that respect his tone and manor about him set me straight right out of the gate, I knew 100% that he meant business. Now looking back I can see his logic, if I failed he won, and no more "BB" gun. If I succeeded he won as he could trust me. Then I received my first .22 rifle, so I passed the test.My Uncle never said a word when I showed up with that .410 to hunt rabbits and not the pellet rifle he gave me, he just gave a smile and a wink, I think he knew where it was all going to go from the start.

jake wells · Dec 5, 2016

tough love and getting whipped smacked or any other thing made me the person i am today.
my dad said this to me if i did wrong growing up "this is gonna hurt me worse than it is going to hurt you"
i grew out of around 11 yrs of age i learned if i just follow the rules everything will be fine.

my mom was a little more sinister but i lived with it her most favorite item was a short extension cord or dads razor strap.
that high tone mamma made me walk the line.

i still love my parents thankful for everything they gave me and taught me.

Nitehawk55 · Dec 7, 2016

Working at a University I see a lot of kids around 18 that show little respect for others , I blame the parents for that .
Just today I saw a son and his mother leaving to go home , the mother carrying a laundry basket and pulling a suitcase , the son following not helping her at all

stihl_head1982 · Dec 7, 2016

Nitehawk55 said:
Working at a University I see a lot of kids around 18 that show little respect for others , I blame the parents for that .
Just today I saw a son and his mother leaving to go home , the mother carrying a laundry basket and pulling a suitcase , the son following not helping her at all

Very familiar with that type of pathetic situation. The entitlement that many parents raised their kids under leaves them pretty incompetent to be a respectful and productive member of society. Having been in education for many years I can say that all too many kids are simply flat lazy and disrespectful. Thanks for your insight.

pa-aaronq · Dec 8, 2016

stihl_head1982 said:
Very familiar with that type of pathetic situation. The entitlement that many parents raised their kids under leaves them pretty incompetent to be a respectful and productive member of society. Having been in education for many years I can say that all too many kids are simply flat lazy and disrespectful. Thanks for your insight.

I really feel the reason kids grow up to feel entitled is because they see that their parents are selfish. Example. I have friends that are married and have two boys. Then spend half of their time with their kids and the other half on selfish pursuits because they need "me time". So the kids get pawned off on everyone else. Sometimes they drop the kids off with no shoes or coats so you either have to go buy clothing or they stay inside. Fact is everyone else has to pick up their slack. Of coarse kids are gonna grow up feeling this is normal. That's all a lot of kids know.

Homelite410 · Dec 8, 2016

Modern parents are so spineless and so afraid to "push" their children to do anything. Drives me nuts!

hseII · Dec 8, 2016

Homelite410 said:
Modern parents are so spineless and so afraid to "push" their children to do anything. Drives me nuts!

Or the parents are too busy doing their own things to care: they drag the kids along, but don't include them.

Homelite410 · Dec 8, 2016

Or Mom and Dad are driving new vehicles and the kids are wearing hand-me-downs and doing without.

MarkEagleUSA · Dec 8, 2016

Homelite410 said:
Or Mom and Dad are driving new vehicles and the kids are wearing hand-me-downs and doing without.

When my girls were young (they're 25 & 27 now) we went without so that they had what they needed. I told my wife that the kids came first... make sure they have decent meals, clean clothes, good shoes, and whatever they needed for school. She was a stay-at-home mom until the youngest was 12. It was a struggle but my kids turned out to be really decent human beings and I couldn't be more proud of them. Whatever I had to sacrifice to make that happen was worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

We have several friends that were the exact opposite. Always "me first", had to have the best cars (and other toys), regular nights out on the town, etc. Most of their kids ended up druggies, drunks, pregnant at 14... it was heart-wrenching.

Todays kids have it a lot tougher than I did. There's so much peer pressure and the explosion of technology has put the world at their fingertips. If not monitored closely, it will eat them alive. Parents today have the deck stacked against them so they need to be diligent. The problem is, most of 'em aren't and the kids learn no values to speak of.

I know it sounds like a cliché, but it all starts in the home. The world would be a lot better off if more people paid attention to that little detail.

Homelite410 · Dec 8, 2016

MarkEagleUSA said:
When my girls were young (they're 25 & 27 now) we went without so that they had what they needed. I told my wife that the kids came first... make sure they have decent meals, clean clothes, good shoes, and whatever they needed for school. She was a stay-at-home mom until the youngest was 12. It was a struggle but my kids turned out to be really decent human beings and I couldn't be more proud of them. Whatever I had to sacrifice to make that happen was worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

We have several friends that were the exact opposite. Always "me first", had to have the best cars (and other toys), regular nights out on the town, etc. Most of their kids ended up druggies, drunks, pregnant at 14... it was heart-wrenching.

Todays kids have it a lot tougher than I did. There's so much peer pressure and the explosion of technology has put the world at their fingertips. If not monitored closely, it will eat them alive. Parents today have the deck stacked against them so they need to be diligent. The problem is, most of 'em aren't and the kids learn no values to speak of.

I know it sounds like a cliché, but it all starts in the home. The world would be a lot better off if more people paid attention to that little detail.

My hats off to you sir, VERY well put.

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